Aed jokes

Me and my friend roasting each other.

Friend: You look like a baboon.

Me: Stop talking, you look like a gorilla, so I might call animal control on you and I'll be seeing you at the zoo!

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There are more genders than there are cars in a Walmart parking lot.

What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?

A widow.

Did you hear how Stephen Hawking died?

There was a mix up, and he was dropped at PC World instead of A&E!

If Stephen Hawking got into a fight, he could not stand up for himself.

What do you get when you stuff some cows into a food container?

A can o' bull.

Someone tracked down a cripple and said, "You can hide, but you can't run!"

A guy walks into a gun store and everything is half off. He looks at his son and says, "I didn't know back to school sales started yet."

What's the difference between a prostitute and a trash bag?

There's a limit to how much trash goes in the trash bag.

What if some kid was like, "I'm going to shoot up the school!", and then someone just pulls up with a reverse card?

What's white as snow within 15-25 mins after death and then black and blue and red all over?

A corpse, of course!

What is the oldest animal in the world?

A zebra—it is black and white.

If it is called a forehead, what happened to the five-head, six-head, and seven-head?

What’s the relationship between a pedophile and a light bulb? They're both meant for dark rooms.

What did the kid say to the toilet?

"Did you order a number two because I got one ready for you?"

Why did the skeleton have no friends?

He was a boner!

Heheheh!

Ah, see ya soon kiddo.

I'm going on break.

I'll give you some fried snow later!

The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"

Q: What do you call a sad soda?

A: Soda-pressing.

What's the difference between a brand new Oldsmobile and a brand new Raping?

...Rape.