Aed jokes
3 boys were having a debate about who had the healthiest grandma.
Boy 1: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 67 years old and can still do a backflip!"
Boy 2: "No, I have the healthiest grandma. She is 76 years old and can still finish a marathon!"
Boy 3: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 85 and she is in the hospital..."
Boy 1 and 2, looking confused.
Boy 1: "If she's so healthy, why is she in the hospital?"
Boy 3: "Because she's giving birth right now!"
What's black, white, and "read" all over?
A zebra after a lion is full.
Why is a nun called a nun?
'Cause they ain't supposed to get none ;)
What do you call a cow with three legs?
My ex.
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender could squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time, weight lifters, lumberjacks, men in the Army, and etc. But still, nobody could do it.
One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "okay," and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS."
so true
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
What did the roti say to pratha?
You white like a white bastard.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Why do men like big tits and a flat ass?
Because they got little dicks and big mouths.
Q: What do you call America in a year? A: A wasteland.
There were people having sex when it started sinking. Legend tells when you go near the ship you can see semen, and if you listen close enough you'll hear them moaning.
Now that's a hell of a ghost story!
Why do Catholic priests suck on the cock of a young boy in his parish?
Because it tastes like a Vienna sausage.
"Jack and Jill run up the hill to have sex but in a text a sibling sayed I’m on a hill sleeping with a mex. foursome peace love and biches."
What did one nut say to the other nut?
A: "Candice deez nuts fit in my mouth."
Two pedophiles are on a beach.
One says to the other, "Move over, you're in my sun!"
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.
A, B, C, D, E, F, G, I will kill your family.
What does an emo kid and an apple have in common?
They both are hanging.
Why was going through JFK's head when he was getting assassinated? A bullet.
I like this Russian girl, but she hasn't asked me to hang off a cliff while drinking vodka.