You're jokes
A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."
Queen Elizabeth came back before your dad did.
Popular guy in class: I am so funny.
Me: Your parents are funny as they made a joke and people are still laughing at it.
There were 5 cows on a farm, one mom and 4 calves.
The first calf goes up to the mom and says, "Momma, why is my name Rose?"
The mother cow replies, "Well sweetie, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."
The second calf walks up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?", to which the mom replies "Well honey, when you were born, a single lily petal fell on your head."
The third calf walks up, but before it can get a word out, the fourth calf screams at the top of its lungs. The mother cow yells, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"
The best joke in the world is me.
Don't say that you're not a joke. Jokes have meanings.
I like your mama's big butt, and I cannot lie.
Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.
What does the hare say to the other hare? You look nice with your hare cut!
"Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it is too cheesy."
"YOU MORON ITS *TOO* not TO, IM GOING TO EAT YOU ALIVE AND RIP OUT YOUR PROSTATE"
Emo people are like other emo people, they're emo. Laugh now or I'll cut your eyes out. Tee hee!
If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What's the difference between a cop and bacon?
Bacon is full of fat and makes you feel good. A cop is full of shit and will make you feel their hot steamy cock as they ram it up your ass with some justice sprinkled on top.
What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.
My aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said, "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or it's useless, throw it away."
The next time my aunt visited, she said, "Where is your daughter?"
My mom said, "I took your advice."
Your mama is so fat, when I think of her in my head, she just broke my neck.
What’s the difference between your mum and your nan?
Your nan's a GILF!
What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.
You're so ugly you make gay/lesbian people straight!
New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.
Students: Damn.
Teacher: Is anyone missing?
Students: Your parents!
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Half of it. 🐛