You're jokes
Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."
Your hairline is so big, Niagara Falls said, "Oh, looks like we've got some competition!"
If someone is bullying you for being fat, remember, you're the bigger person, a MUCH bigger person.
Why did my foot cross the road?
Because your ass was on the other side.
Roses are red, lemons are sour, spread your legs, give me an hour!
You're so ugly, you made Hello Kitty say, "Goodbye."
When you find out the stripper you're banging is a hooker, but you're saving money, so it's okay.
Your mom! Oh wait, you don't have one.
Me: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?
Me: Your parents.
What do you do if your online friend wants to commit suicide? You can't do anything, he's already on line.
Teacher: I’m gonna call your parents.
Orphan: Go on, see if they pick up.
If you have a girlfriend/crush that's shorter than you, go up to her and say, "You're short, lemme add some inches."
Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?
Your entire family tree must be a cactus, because everyone in your family is such a prick.
How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?
Open a pizza shop 🍕
Roses are red, violets are blue, Pornhub is down, your mum's Facebook will do.
When you step on the weighing scale, it shows your phone number!
"I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years."
"Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!"
"No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him."
You are so fat that the waiter said to you every time: "Sorry for your weight" instead of "Sorry for the wait."
Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?
And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?