You're jokes

"Your ass must be jealous of all that shit that comes out of your mouth."

One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"

"One silent evening, a man walks to his fridge to get some food. He sets out a fork and napkin on the table. He reaches to grab a salad topped with olives and cheese. He sets the food down on the table and begins to add tomatoes, condiments, and..." He is interrupted. "Why are you saying this aloud?" A young boy asks his father. The father replies with, "You wanted to know how to live on your own, but I guess experience is more helpful," he says as he rushes the child out of the front door.

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if you play minecraft: your dog is still waiting for you in the world you made along time ago.

When you're mad, you might as well just punch an orphan because what can they do, tell their parents?

The tables in my class are straight, but I can’t say the same thing for your hairline.

A guy once went hunting at a Hunting Ranch owned by a Hunter and his Wife. After a long day of hunting, the hunter enjoys a couple of cold ones in Rancher’s Living-room. There they were having a grand ole time until the Rancher’s wife walks in. The Hunter looks at her and says “that’s a nice piece of ass you got your self there.” The Rancher replied “(with a harsh southern accent from years of cigarette smoke) You’ve never been so right in your life, honey why don’t show our guest your tits.” She agrees and then shows the hunter her plump DD cup breast. After he gets a good gander he says “Nice.” Then Rancher shouted “show em yer peker now Hon.” She agreed and whipped out a 13inch Johny, and twirled it around like how an Elephant would move his. Now dazed and confused the Hunter yells out “What in Sam Hill is that!!” and the Rancher replied “Now....Lemme tell you..There ain’t a thing like it”.

Girl, is your butt made of water, because it is tubig?

Your hairline is so long, people call it "The Natural Disaster!"

Is your MBTI type INFP? Cause you're so FiNe.

You're so ugly, that's why me and your hairline go far back.

Want to save 50% on your Chinese?

Just ask before you pay.

Is your name winter? Because you’ll be cumming soon.

If you feel sad, or you feel that you are not loved... You're with mushroom pizza.

All of the sudden, if you're Republican, you're racist, and Communism is a symbol of freedom? What happened to the proud men our founding fathers were, damn it!

Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"

Hey, Kenya, what is your favorite song?

"Lonely."

What’s the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?

Acne waits till you’re 13 to come on your face.

You're like a cat, all you do is eat and sleep.