You're jokes
What’s the difference between jam and marmalade?
I can’t marmalade my cock into your mum’s arse.
Your momma so slutty, she masturbates with the Calgary Tower.
I know you’re feeling in a haze, but please enjoy your last three days.
Hi. My name's Stephen Hawking. What's your disability?
There are two sexes: one with your mother and the other with you.
What do you call cheese that is not your cheese?
Not yo cheese!
1, 2, Freddy's coming for you.
3, 4, better lock your door.
5, 6, grab a crucifix.
7, 8, stay up late.
9, 10, never sleep again.
I love this song, y'all! Like if you love it too! :)
What kind of fruit can fix your toilet?
A plum-mer.
Yo mama is so nasty that she sucked your dad's dick and came in to kiss you goodnight.
Your momma is so fat, she eats insulation and thinks it's cotton candy.
Why are hurricanes like women? Because they come into your life, take nearly everything, and leave.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Your.
Your who?
Your hoochie coochie stinks.
Halal!
Is it meat you're looking for?
Son: "Mom, am I adopted?"
Mom: "Yes."
Son: "Where are my real parents?"
Dad: "We are your real parents, so... GET OUT!"
What is the difference between a prostitute and a wife?
A prostitute will fulfill your needs with your money; a wife will fulfill her needs with your money.
Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights. There’s no reason she needs to talk that much; it’s not like replying to her is voice activated.
Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights, especially the right to remain silent, because all appliances should be silent.
Teacher: "What's your name?"
Student: "Hang on a second."
10 seconds later:
Teacher: "Is something wrong?"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
20 seconds later:
Teacher: "Don't say a word!!!"
Student: "Hang on a second!!!"
Teacher: "Come here and tell me your name right now!!!"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
Teacher: "Don't call for help!!!"
Student: "Just listen to me!"
Teacher: "Go on, speak!"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
Teacher: "Don't push my patience; this is no joke!!! Tell me your name right now!"
Student: "Hang on a second!!!"
One woman said to the other, "This child is truly cruel!"
The second woman replied, "Did I say 'child'?"
The first woman said, "I beg your pardon; I didn't know you were my father!"
Putin is so obsessed with territorial expansion, he’s even trying to annex your mama’s bedroom.