You jokes
Why would you never donate to crabs?
Because they're shellfish!
Remember, kids: the school shooter can't get you if YOU are the shooter.
So I saw a 15 year old kid near a 15 year old girl checking her out.
Then I told him, "What are you doing?"
He told me he will decorate her locker, donate a lot of money to her, and buy her a lot of stuff.
He then told me how easy would that be?
I told him: "That sounds pretty SIMPle."
It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.
You're so bad at games, bro, they gave you AIDS before losing! 😹
I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.
They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."
You know how to get 10,000 followers? Run through Africa with a bottle of water.
POV: You go to your nail artist for pink nails, but she gives you stupidness. 😂😂😂
You look like your mom and your dad had a child.
What do you call a grown-up orphan? Homeless.
Why are babies called bundles of joy?
When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.
A photon is checking into a hotel.
The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."
What do you call your mom? Gay.
You can't be short and depressed because you are compressed.
My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help me understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So, me with my horrible humor, decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around, and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are, a fine African meal." Then everybody looked at me in disappointment, and then I continued to say, "What? Poor taste?"
What do you call a surprised Chinese man?
Answer: Ho Lee Fuk.
"Number 15: Burger King foot lettuce. The last thing you want in your Burger King burger is someone's foot fungus, but as it turns out, that might be what you get."
What do you call an orphan taking a family photo?
A selfie.
Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.
How do you make a baby astronaut sleep?
You rock-it!