You jokes
What do you call an orphan that sings a solo?
Did you hear about the Chinese student?
Me neither.
Mom: Remember, you can tell me anything.
Abbie: I had sex with dad.
Mom: Go die in a hole!
When you see a group of pornstars sitting together looking up with their mouths open, that's when you know that Mama bird is back at the nest to feed the baby birds some worms.
You're so dumb that every time you use the bathroom, you use your shoe to wipe your ass.
...
Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!
What do you call an abo with a shotgun?
Sir.
In America, you catch Pikachu. In Soviet Russia, Pikachu catches you.
Women: Can I have your number?
Jesus: No.
Women: Why? Are you scared?
Jesus: No. Just when you wanna talk, just pray.
Imagine when you are about to cry at the funeral, then your friend's phone rings.
Then he says, "I'll call you back, I'm still at the die."
Officer: Hi, how high are you?
Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"
Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.
Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.
Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.
(Wait, forgot about the 3rd third thing.) I have said this countless times, but it doesn't seem to be getting through to you: quit hating on particular jokes. You don't like it? Nobody cares. Don't go into the morbid jokes category, you idiots, ffs!
Q: What do you call a "Wild Man" or "Wild Woman" on the Moon?
A: A Luna-Tic!
You make the juice go through my power brick.
Make a wish kid: I want to meet Mac Miller.
Make a wish staff: You will soon, chief.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a fish?
A genetically unstable animal that is impossible and would die instantly upon existing. If it could live, it would be a deformed, parasitic tumor that undulates through people.
Eagle: "You know why hunting me would be a bad idea?
Because it is ILL-EAGLE!"
What do you call a man who lost his car??
Carlos
What is the difference between cremation and smoking?
While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.
Are you a race car?
Cuz I’m tryna fuck.