You jokes

You wanna know why Stephen Hawking isn't going to heaven?

Because it's a stairway, not a ramp.

If you put an amputee with no limbs in a snuggie, it becomes a stubbie.

What do you say when a Spanish person loses a car?

Carlos.

Did you hear about the old Italian chef?? Yeah he pasta away.

Then a man walked comprehending to be him. Everyone knew he was an impasta.

Where do you find a cow with no legs?

Right where you left it!

A blind man walked into me at a store. I said, "Watch it, bitch!" and he said, "Sorry, I didn't see you there."

How do you fix an igloo?

With Iglue.

Why do you put a baby into a blender feet first?

So you can see the look on its face...

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fffffsshhhhhh

You know why I have so low IQ? It's because the left side of my brain gets nothing right, and the right side of my brain has nothing left.

I could tell you the one about the broken pencil... but it's pointless.

When do you go on red and stop at green?

A watermelon.

What do you call a soda can’s dad? Pop!

What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

When you slap a mosquito, it stops sucking you.

So, a neutron went to a bar. He asked the bartender how much for a beer. The bartender said, "For you, no charge."

How do you know if you're making a Caesar salad? Stabbing it 23 times.

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Puerto Rican!"

Then the blonde replies, "OMG, you dirty little slut! How many is a Puerto Rican?"

What do you call a gay pride parade that was ran over?

Rainbow road.

Do you know what the equivalent to hell is these days?

1. Listening to your teacher.

2. Not having your phone/game/TV.

3. Not having nicotine.

I'm throwing an orgy for people on antidepressants.

Let me know if you can't cum.