You jokes
Officer: Hi, how high are you?
Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"
Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.
Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.
Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.
If you kill someone, that's murder.
If you kill a family member, that's still murder.
If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."
What are the four letters you don’t want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
I can make a word with those: "DICK".
How do you stop constipation?
You scare the crap outta them.
(Crap is another word for poop.)
What's the difference between a dwarf and a Japanese man?
I don't know, you tell me.
Memes
I'd tell you a 9/11 joke, but it'd fly over your head and into the Twin Towers.
What did the doctor say to the orphan?
"I can't help you with cancer, I'm a family doctor!"
If you don't like racist people, isn't that discrimination?
Like if you blow male cows?
In America, you catch Pikachu. In Soviet Russia, Pikachu catches you.
Women: Can I have your number?
Jesus: No.
Women: Why? Are you scared?
Jesus: No. Just when you wanna talk, just pray.
Imagine when you are about to cry at the funeral, then your friend's phone rings.
Then he says, "I'll call you back, I'm still at the die."
What do you call an orphan that sings a solo?
Did you hear about the Chinese student?
Me neither.
Why can orphans give all you people posting all these stupid orphan jokes over and over again a good kick in the face?
Well, what are you gonna do, tell their parents?
P.S. Stop posting stupid orphan jokes over and over again.
Yo mama so stupid that she shit and farted on you, asshole!
When you see a group of pornstars sitting together looking up with their mouths open, that's when you know that Mama bird is back at the nest to feed the baby birds some worms.
Mom: Remember, you can tell me anything.
Abbie: I had sex with dad.
Mom: Go die in a hole!
You're so dumb that every time you use the bathroom, you use your shoe to wipe your ass.
What is a nonce's favorite toy...? You.