You jokes

Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.

Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!

Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?

Why can you slap an orphan?

Are they going to tell mommy?

How do you know a cannibal picnic is over?

Everyone's eaten.

Sister: You're adopted.

Me: At least they wanted me, they must feel terribly bad cuz they had to keep you :(

"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."

Russia and Ukraine are running a marathon. Who do you think won? Russia did. Russia gave Ukraine a migraine.

Comebacks when someone say: Bully: "Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic." Say: "At least its brighter than your future."

What's the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?

You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.

You can't be short and depressed because you are compressed.

What do you call pasta that’s made by a skeleton? A CREEPYpasta! (It’s my first one, lol)

Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."

When the school shooter breaks into the classroom, and you look at your friend because it's the kid you predicted.

What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.

A girl walked into a job interview. The interviewer said, "You are what we are looking for, but I need to test your skills." He hands her a pen. He said, "Sell me this pen." She puts it between her boobs.

I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."

Are you corona? Cuz it’s hard to breathe around you ;)

What time is it when you can drive a house? Time to get a wheelchair.

What do you call an owl with armor?

A Knight Owl!

Do you know how a dragon is? You don't know who? It's dragging these 2-liter balls across your pathetic face and slamming it into a f*cking dumpster you regret.