What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
You Jokes
Why should you stay away from trees? - Because they wanna be leafed alone.
Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle? Because there are cheetahs!
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.
Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍
After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.
How do you make a dead baby float?
1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.
How would you best describe prostate cancer?
Well, it is somewhere between a dick and an asshole!
How do you stop a MeToo feminazi from telling the world about being raped? Easy: just rape her mouth shut.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "Yes," and lifted up her dress. Then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
Right where you left it.
What do you call a sad, depressed artist? Anything but "Cows of Woe".
What game hurts you the more stages you survive?
Cancer.
How do you get away with rape? Identify as transgender. Women can never be accused of rape, obviously
What's the difference between a child and a book?
One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.
I am throwing a party in space. Can you help me planet?
Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?
American: Self defense.
Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?
Feminists think men hate them. MEN HATE FEMINIST KARENS. We already have equal rights. It wasn't always like that, but that was in the past. So, fuck feminists.
(Like if you hate feminists.)
If you drink, don’t drive. People cause accidents.
If you drink, don’t park. Accidents cause people.
Girl: "...I like you... do you like me back?"
Me: "Nope."
Girl: *is depressed* "Oh okay...."
Me: "You never said \"love\"".
Girl: "Oh! well do you love me?"
Me: "Frick no."
Mickey Mouse went to a psychologist and told him, “I’m having problems with my girlfriend.”
The psychologist said, “You mentioned that you think she is crazy.”
He said, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fucking Goofy!”
