The 60+ Best Advice Jokes

My mom told me drugs are my enemies... but Jesus said to love your enemies

I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims.

My husband told me to make him a sandwich. I was looking online for some comebacks. Someone online said You better comeback with a goddamn sandwich

The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all

I called the rape advice line last night turns out its just for victims

Q: Why did the chef get fired? A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

A wise man once said, "don't think young, think tight" He was priest.

Why was the orphan so successful? Because once someone told him go big or go home and he only had one option.

I did so much research that I got BONE-tired from doing this TIBIA honest. You probably didn’t find that HUMERUS. I got a SKELETON of these puns. I guess i could learn a FEMUR puns. I was wondering if the the creators of this site could TALUS how they come up with puns or maybe give some advice? I'm only 14 years-old.

Follow,me if you need advice or just follow mee

I wanted to be an astronaut but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.

I have an orphan joke, but it needs parental guidance.

Why did the orphan go to church? To hear some "foster" Parenting advice.

My Aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or its useless, throw it away." the next time my Aunt visited she said "Where is you daughter?" my Mom said "I took your advice"

Guys help- i need advice to confess to my crush. I'm being fr rn guys help

People trying too stop me from being depressed: “Just cheer up!”

Me: “WOW I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT”

My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”