Advice jokes

What's something you shouldn't tell a paraplegic that's being confronted by a bully?

Just walk away.

I'm what they call a ✨️askhole✨️.

A person who will consistently ask for your advice and wisdom, but then proceed to do the exact opposite of what you say.

If you're seeing this, this is your sign to go fuck yourself.

As an older brother, I always gave my little sister advice. I always said to do your best and never quit. So one day I went to her room. I see my sister giving married men blow jobs.

I ask what are you doing? The married men said she is giving us blow jobs because our wives don't do it. My sister said you told me to do your best, and my best is to suck them dry. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder.

Why was the orphan so successful?

When they told him, "Go big or go home," he/she only had one option.

If someone calls you fat, just ignore them. You are bigger than that!

My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.

He told me to stop going to those places.

Hi guys, I'm going to be out for 3 days. Also, quote for the day and advice.

Quote. (Made by me) Don't look back at tomorrow; just look forward today. There are new thoughts, strength, and ideas.

Advice. Sometimes ppl have opinions, and those opinions are probably what you don't like, but don't bring negativity on them just because of what they're saying. If you chose, you probably say, "I don't understand that statement, but it does sound good." This is not a drama site; it's a joking site.

P.S. No hating in these comments.

Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.

Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."

What did the talking rope say to the man?

"Just hang in there."

Gwen just wanted to help you with the bullying.

Tip 1. Ignore them; bullies are really just cowards.

Tip 2. Stand up for yourself; it's ok for people to also help you, but you do the same for yourself!

Tip 3. Just let them be; they're just stupid!

Love you-Iariah

What did the phone receptionist at the suicide hotline tell the callers?

Hang in there!

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

"If you can't win, lose."

- Sun Tzu, The Art of War.

Don't ever tell somebody depressed to try again.

This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.

I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.

My mom wanted me to brush my hair.

And I just told her that even pet animals don't like their hair brushed...

I remember you. You used to be an ash.

I would love to roast you more, but my mom said to not burn trash.