I got kicked out of a hospital once. I told all the COVID patients to stay positive.
Advice Jokes
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a suicidal person?
"If at first you don’t succeed, try again and again until you succeed."
My mom told me drugs are my enemies... but Jesus said to love your enemies.
I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims.
My husband told me to make him a sandwich. I was looking online for some comebacks. Someone online said, "You better come back with a goddamn sandwich!"
When you suffer from depression and somebody tells you to just cheer up-- Me: My goodness, what an idea! Why didn't I think of this before?
The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.
Dad: Son, everyone in your class got COVID.
Son (in a happy tone): I know.
Dad: How do you know and why are you so glad?
Son: Well, yesterday you told me to spread positivity.
I got kicked out of the hospital for saying, "Stay Positive," to the corona patients.
I called the rape advice line last night. Turns out it's just for victims.
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her, "Doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?" The doctor says, "My number."
Don't criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. So, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you'll have their shoes.
Q: Why did the chef get fired?
A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!
For all the people with Covid-19, I just want to say... Stay positive.
My advice to suicidal people: just hang in there. 🕺
A wise man once said, "don't think young, think tight." He was a priest.
Why was the orphan so successful? Because once someone told him "go big or go home," and he only had one option.
I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.
I did so much research that I got bone-tired from doing this, tibia honest. You probably didn't find that humerus. I got a skeleton of these puns. I guess I could learn a femur puns. I was wondering if the creators of this site could talus how they come up with puns or maybe give some advice? I'm only 14 years old.
Someone: When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to cheer up.
Me: My, what a great idea! Why didn't I think of that? ;)