You jokes
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
What do you call the girl with no arms and no legs?
Names.
Man: I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.
Lady: What did you do?
Man: I took a day off...
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Hit your wife harder.
A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."
Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you fuck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR FUCKED NOW
How do you know your sister is on her period? Your dad's c**k tastes like s**t!
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
Today is the day of 9/11, and we were in class making jokes, and somebody said, "That's sad." I was like, "Why?" And they said, "Today is the day the towers went down." I said, "Just like I did on your mum last night."
What's the difference between life and a rape joke?
Life fucks you until you stop breathing, a rape joke fucks you until it's not funny anymore.
Who says white people can't jump?
Have you seen the 911 footage?
What do you call someone in a wheelchair during a California fire?
A steamed vegetable.
What do you call a herd of cows pleasuring themselves? Beef strokin’ off!
What do you call a Sikh man standing on a rope? Balan Singh.
Do you want to know the most racist game? Chess. You wanna know why? Because they never let black go first. I wonder why... lmao.
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
Are you a toaster?
'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Q: What do you call 6 gay men in the army?
A: Rainbow Six Siege.
Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.
Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?
If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.