You jokes

Do you want to know the most racist game? Chess. You wanna know why? Because they never let black go first. I wonder why... lmao.

Are you a toaster?

'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.

Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.

Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?

If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.

Me: What did one toilet say to the other?

You: What?

Me: You look flushed!

Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?

Her: Awww... Yes!!!

Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.

Q: What do you call 6 gay men in the army?

A: Rainbow Six Siege.

My sister said that you know that "that" is really cool. Then I said, "You know you can shut up."

I'll never forget my Grandad's last words... "Son, where did you get a grenade from?!"

Did you know ghosts are alcoholics?

They only come out for the boos.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't comin'.

My aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said, "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or it's useless, throw it away."

The next time my aunt visited, she said, "Where is your daughter?"

My mom said, "I took your advice."

How do you make a builder cry?

Kill his family.

Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into 2 skyscrapers.

A wise man once told me: "If you poke the bear in prison, the bear will happily return the favor when it's time to shower."

What do you call a white kid at the back of the class?

School shooter.

What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly, officer, I never heard her say no.

What do you call a cup with a handle?

A mug! HAHA ha... My parents just got a divorce :(

If I'm ugly, at least I'm not you.

What do you call a broken pencil? Never mind, it's pointless!