You jokes
A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."
Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you fuck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR FUCKED NOW
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
How do you know your sister is on her period? Your dad's c**k tastes like s**t!
Today is the day of 9/11, and we were in class making jokes, and somebody said, "That's sad." I was like, "Why?" And they said, "Today is the day the towers went down." I said, "Just like I did on your mum last night."
What's the difference between life and a rape joke?
Life fucks you until you stop breathing, a rape joke fucks you until it's not funny anymore.
What do you call someone in a wheelchair during a California fire?
A steamed vegetable.
If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
Did you know ghosts are alcoholics?
They only come out for the boos.
Me: What did one toilet say to the other?
You: What?
Me: You look flushed!
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
Q: What do you call 6 gay men in the army?
A: Rainbow Six Siege.
What do you call a herd of cows pleasuring themselves? Beef strokin’ off!
Who says white people can't jump?
Have you seen the 911 footage?
What do you call a Sikh man standing on a rope? Balan Singh.
Do you want to know the most racist game? Chess. You wanna know why? Because they never let black go first. I wonder why... lmao.
Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?
If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.
Are you a toaster?
'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.
My sister said that you know that "that" is really cool. Then I said, "You know you can shut up."