You jokes

What do you call a depressed tree?

A wood cutter.

What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over?

Pigs in a blanket.

So the other day, I saw a child in a wheelchair.

He was getting bullied a lot, so I came up and said, "Why don't you stand up to those bullies?"

This Fairy Tail shirt is only $9.99! Guess you can say that's a fair retail.

I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.

So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!

You're so skinny that you use Chapstick as deodorant.

What do you call a bunch of Paki's jumping off a cliff?

Chocolate drops.

What do you say to a guy with Down syndrome who’s on top of a sky scraper? "Jump!"

Pick up lines.

"One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"

"Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."

I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job. If you burn a body at home, you're destroying evidence.

Do you like Wendy's? When deez nutz are in your mouth.

REALLY CRAPPY JOKE ALERT!!! Oh Quin, how was eating that tight butt? Must be nasty. I heard you met from rear ending him.

how do you cut of a hillbilly's dick?

kick his sister in the jaw

What do you call Stephen Hawking in a burning building?

Hot Wheels.

Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?

What do you call a black person with a gun? Black ops.

*School shooting happens.*

Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk.*

American student: "First time?"

Foreign exchange student: "Yeah, you?"

American student: "Hahaha. No, not my first time."

Why can't orphans go on game shows?

You need a family member.

Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"

Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."

Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"

Dad: "That isn't the remote."

*Weird background music*

Kid: Mom! You lied to me!

Mom: When?

Kid: You told me that my little brother was an Angel!

Mom: Sooo?

Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony?

Mom: WHAT!!!??!!