You jokes
How do you stop a MeToo feminazi from telling the world about being raped? Easy: just rape her mouth shut.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "Yes," and lifted up her dress. Then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
Right where you left it.
What do you call a sad, depressed artist? Anything but "Cows of Woe".
What game hurts you the more stages you survive?
Cancer.
How do you get away with rape? Identify as transgender. Women can never be accused of rape, obviously
What's the difference between a child and a book?
One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.
I am throwing a party in space. Can you help me planet?
Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?
American: Self defense.
Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?
Feminists think men hate them. MEN HATE FEMINIST KARENS. We already have equal rights. It wasn't always like that, but that was in the past. So, fuck feminists.
(Like if you hate feminists.)
If you drink, don’t drive. People cause accidents.
If you drink, don’t park. Accidents cause people.
Girl: "...I like you... do you like me back?"
Me: "Nope."
Girl: *is depressed* "Oh okay...."
Me: "You never said \"love\"".
Girl: "Oh! well do you love me?"
Me: "Frick no."
Mickey Mouse went to a psychologist and told him, “I’m having problems with my girlfriend.”
The psychologist said, “You mentioned that you think she is crazy.”
He said, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fucking Goofy!”
What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?
They both make noise when you throw them.
Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.
You: Well... your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you can't even do that.
And your IQ is 5.
If I were a cat, I'd spend all nine of my lives with you.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
As many as you like. They can’t change anything.
What's the difference between an onion and a baby?
One makes you cry when you cut it up.
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."
Guy: "What's the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: "Good news?"
Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."
I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"