You jokes

So the other day, I saw a child in a wheelchair.

He was getting bullied a lot, so I came up and said, "Why don't you stand up to those bullies?"

Pick up lines.

"One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"

"Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."

What do you say to a guy with Down syndrome who’s on top of a sky scraper? "Jump!"

Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.

Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!

Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?

Why can't orphans go on game shows?

You need a family member.

Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"

Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."

Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"

Dad: "That isn't the remote."

*Weird background music*

Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?

How do you know a cannibal picnic is over?

Everyone's eaten.

Russia and Ukraine are running a marathon. Who do you think won? Russia did. Russia gave Ukraine a migraine.

"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."

Sister: You're adopted.

Me: At least they wanted me, they must feel terribly bad cuz they had to keep you :(

Comebacks when someone say: Bully: "Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic." Say: "At least its brighter than your future."

What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?

You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.

What's the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

What did the girl say to the man with a moustache?

I moustache you a question.

This Fairy Tail shirt is only $9.99! Guess you can say that's a fair retail.

Why can you slap an orphan?

Are they going to tell mommy?

how do you cut of a hillbilly's dick?

kick his sister in the jaw

What do you call a black person with a gun? Black ops.

*School shooting happens.*

Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk.*

American student: "First time?"

Foreign exchange student: "Yeah, you?"

American student: "Hahaha. No, not my first time."