You jokes

What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"

What’s the difference between you and Jesus? We know who Jesus’s dad was.

What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?

Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.

Why is vegetable soup hard to cook? Because you can't fit the wheelchair in!

Is Google a male or female?

Female because it doesn’t let you finish your sentences before making a suggestion.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pal of water. Me: incorrect, two pals of water, one to refresh from running up a hill and the one you went to get. I’m sick af from these stories.

what do you call a shadow stalker REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

A lady walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs. The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea." The lady replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."

Wanna hear a funny joke? Well, that was why you were here... Here's the joke: Your life :)

What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!

Sans: Zzzzzzzz.

Papyrus: SANS, WAKE UP!!

Sans: What is it, dude?

Papyrus: A human has fallen from the surface world!

Sans: And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??

Sans: Zzzzzzzz

Papyus: SANS WAKE UP!!

Sans: What is it dude?

Papyus: A human has fallen from the surface world!

Sans: And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??

Papyus: Grrrrr....

Sans: Oh come on that was a real RIBTICKLER.

How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.

Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.

Don’t worry if you have a stroke.

You’ll be all right.

How can you compare a gay prostitute to Pacman?

They both get paid to eat 200 balls!

😥This is offensive, sorry: What did the king say to his royal steed? "You gonna start the dishwasher or what?"

How do you circumcise a redneck?

Kick his sister in the chin.

What's the difference between a boring teacher and a boring book?

You can shut the book up.

What do you call a blonde in a freezer?

Her parents called her Cindy, so we should probably continue calling her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.