And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
You Jokes
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, grabbed her thigh, and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a daughter.
Haha, I fucked you over!
What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.
What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?
A trip without kids.
Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?
He ate 12-year-old nuts.
What do you call a blind German? Someone who can't Nazi!
What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed?
A cherry float.
What do you call it when everyone of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.
Your hair is so far back, you left it at your last address.
Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"
Spiderman: "Yes."
Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."
Spiderman: "Why?"
Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."
Roses are red, violets are blue, I've got a bouquet in my pants for you.
I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.
Your mom is so fat when you printed the picture, it would not stop printing! 😂🤣
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
Man: Cow milk is drinkable.
Other man: How do you know that?
Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*
Other man: John...h-how do you know that!
Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?
"I finished my job."
What about me?
I have a pun, but I will nut tell you!
Dad: What did you learn in school today?
Timmy: Not enough, I guess, 'cause I gotta go back tomorrow.
A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."
The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."
"Thanks Dad," the son says.
The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
