Woman jokes
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.
At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.
On a related note, I suck at darts.
A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?
So we can think about a solution in silence.
How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?
Change your name to "Rape."
I don't need a punchline. Karens are the only joke I need.
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"
She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.
He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"
What did the headless horseman say to the woman?
"Give me head."
It only takes 4 inches to please a woman.
And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit.
My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.
She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.
I would never slap a woman, then I’d be destroying property.
Emma Watson gets hotter and hotter in the Harry Potter movies when you’re watching in reverse order.
What's the difference between a light bulb and a woman?
You can screw and unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a woman.
Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.
I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.
When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.
Q: What's the difference between rape and marriage?
A: With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman afterwards.
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?
Give her a shovel.
Why is there no woman on the moon?
Because it doesn't need to be cleaned.
I respect woman’s choices... either she wants to cook first, then clean, or she wants to clean first, then cook.
Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?