Woman jokes

A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?

The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.

I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.

How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?

Man, I love this joke: Women's rights.

At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.

On a related note, I suck at darts.

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

"Wait, I can explain everything!"

A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"

What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.

Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?

So we can think about a solution in silence.

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?

Give her a shovel.

How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?

Change your name to "Rape."

Q: What's the difference between rape and marriage?

A: With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman afterwards.

Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?

When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”

I don't need a punchline. Karens are the only joke I need.

What's the difference between a light bulb and a woman?

You can screw and unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a woman.

Emma Watson gets hotter and hotter in the Harry Potter movies when you’re watching in reverse order.

My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.

She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.

I would never slap a woman, then I’d be destroying property.

What did the headless horseman say to the woman?

"Give me head."

A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"

She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.

He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"

It only takes 4 inches to please a woman.

And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit.