Woman jokes
What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.
How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?
Change your name to "Rape."
A plane is about to crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out.
A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a man man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "congrats," but none of them touch the man's penis and say "well done?"
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"
She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.
He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"
A good woman is like a good cup of coffee, especially when it’s strong and hot with a little bit of cream in it.
What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most? The “cold and passed out” kind.
I would never slap a woman, then I’d be destroying property.
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly woman?
The Twin Towers got fucked.
What did the naked man say to the naked woman?
"Suck my dick."
Women are like dogs...
"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"
"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"
"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."
SHOES
My wife said she wanted to leave me. She said it’s because of the abuse, but really, she’s the one abusing herself by drinking alcohol and got poisoning the next day. This shows almost half of the woman’s population is weak both physically and mentally.
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her, "Doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?" The doctor says, "My number."
The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was your mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?
So we can think about a solution in silence.
What do you call a crowd of horny white women?
A field of cotton waiting to be picked.
Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?
Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.
This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.
I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"
So I did...
I don't remember much after that.
Tony's wife got a divorce from Tony. She said she wanted to be an independent woman.
Days later, Tony's wife had an accident. Guess who's crawling back for help. 💀