Woman jokes
I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.
On a related note, I suck at darts.
I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.
How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?
Man, I love this joke: Women's rights.
Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.
I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.
When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?
So we can think about a solution in silence.
What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.
A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"
I respect woman’s choices... either she wants to cook first, then clean, or she wants to clean first, then cook.
How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?
Change your name to "Rape."
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?
Give her a shovel.
It only takes 4 inches to please a woman.
And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit.
Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?
When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”
Why do men fart louder than women?
Because women can’t keep their mouth shut to build up any pressure.
I would never slap a woman, then I’d be destroying property.
What's the difference between a light bulb and a woman?
You can screw and unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a woman.
Emma Watson gets hotter and hotter in the Harry Potter movies when you’re watching in reverse order.
My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.
She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.