Woman jokes

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

"Wait, I can explain everything!"

What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.

At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.

On a related note, I suck at darts.

A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"

Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?

So we can think about a solution in silence.

How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?

Change your name to "Rape."

I don't need a punchline. Karens are the only joke I need.

A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"

She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.

He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"

What did the headless horseman say to the woman?

"Give me head."

It only takes 4 inches to please a woman.

And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit.

My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.

She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.

I would never slap a woman, then I’d be destroying property.

Emma Watson gets hotter and hotter in the Harry Potter movies when you’re watching in reverse order.

What's the difference between a light bulb and a woman?

You can screw and unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a woman.

Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.

I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.

When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.

Q: What's the difference between rape and marriage?

A: With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman afterwards.

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?

Give her a shovel.

Why is there no woman on the moon?

Because it doesn't need to be cleaned.

I respect woman’s choices... either she wants to cook first, then clean, or she wants to clean first, then cook.

Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?