At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.
On a related note, I suck at darts.
What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.
How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?
Change your name to "Rape."
I would never slap a woman, then I’d be destroying property.
What's the difference between a light bulb and a woman?
You can screw and unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a woman.
What did the headless horseman say to the woman?
"Give me head."
I don't need a punchline. Karens are the only joke I need.
My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.
She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"
She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.
He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"
It only takes 4 inches to please a woman.
And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit.
Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.
I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.
When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?
Give her a shovel.
Why is there no woman on the moon?
Because it doesn't need to be cleaned.
Why did the policeman rape the woman? Because he thought rapists wouldn't be attracted to non-virgins.
I respect woman’s choices... either she wants to cook first, then clean, or she wants to clean first, then cook.
The first thing a man looks at in a woman, is her heart.
The fact that her breasts block the view is not her fault.
Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?
Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."
The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."
Why did the pervert sing "Gucci Gang"?
Because a woman just gave him a lil pump.
Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
