Woman jokes
I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.
I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.
How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?
At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.
On a related note, I suck at darts.
A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"
Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.
I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.
When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?
So we can think about a solution in silence.
What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?
Change your name to "Rape."
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?
Give her a shovel.
Q: What's the difference between rape and marriage?
A: With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman afterwards.
I would never slap a woman, then I’d be destroying property.
Emma Watson gets hotter and hotter in the Harry Potter movies when you’re watching in reverse order.
My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.
She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.
Why do men fart louder than women?
Because women can’t keep their mouth shut to build up any pressure.
Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?
When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”
It only takes 4 inches to please a woman.
And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit.
What's the difference between a light bulb and a woman?
You can screw and unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a woman.
What did the headless horseman say to the woman?
"Give me head."