Stomach jokes
I accidentally drank a little food coloring last night. I ended up dying inside.
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
What's the difference between my arm and my stomach? My stomach isn't ripped.
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "congrats," but none of them touch the man's penis and say "well done?"
Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩⚕️?
Because he had a sour stomach.
I ate too many temmie flakes... I guess I got a TEMMIE ACHE!!!!
Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."
Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
What do women have on an empty stomach? A miscarriage.
My therapist once said, "time heals all wounds." So I stabbed him. Now we wait...
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach.
What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.
Why am I still alive?
Pills give me stomachaches, blood makes me faint, height frightens me...
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest.
Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?
How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?
Stop eating caterpillars.
Why can't people in Africa have medicine?
Because you cannot have pills on an empty stomach.
The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"
"This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.
The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."
Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"
Why did the orphan start crying?
Because his apple found a home in his stomach.
Why don’t I shut myself all the time?
I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.