Stomach

Stomach Jokes

Bathroom scale

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

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  • Pregnancy

    Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "congrats," but none of them touch the man's penis and say "well done?"

    Lemon

    Why did the lemon ๐Ÿ‹ go to the doctor ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€โš•๏ธ?

    Because he had a sour stomach.

    Pharmacy

    Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?

    Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.

    Food

    Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."

    Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"

    Pharmacy

    Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?

    Because you canโ€™t take medicine on an empty stomach.

    Speed Bump

    What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.

    Life

    Why am I still alive?

    Pills give me stomachaches, blood makes me faint, height frightens me...

    Woman

    Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?

    Medicine

    Why can't people in Africa have medicine?

    Because you cannot have pills on an empty stomach.

    Pastor

    The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"

    "This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.

    The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."

    Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"

    Orphan

    Why did the orphan start crying?

    Because his apple found a home in his stomach.

    Insult

    You look like a double dipped chocolate chip cliff flipped glazed charcoal slim jim Mr. clog hunch frap, no feet, 9 arms, 17 stomachs. You stepdad beat you with a wiffle ball bat. NBA Youngboy was in your bathroom spitting on you and now you got herpes on your left side cheek.