Woman jokes

Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.

I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.

When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.

Why is there no woman on the moon?

Because it doesn't need to be cleaned.

I respect woman’s choices... either she wants to cook first, then clean, or she wants to clean first, then cook.

Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?

The first thing a man looks at in a woman, is her heart.

The fact that her breasts block the view is not her fault.

Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."

The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."

Why did the policeman rape the woman? Because he thought rapists wouldn't be attracted to non-virgins.

Why did the pervert sing "Gucci Gang"?

Because a woman just gave him a lil pump.

Woman: A woman’s life is harder, there is menstruation, periods, birth...

Man: Men have to deal with women.

What is the fastest way to spread a rumor?

Telephone? No.

Television? No.

How then? Tell a woman!

What do you call a woman in a fighter jet to the right of the president?

An escort.

How does a woman scare a gynecologist?

By becoming a ventriloquist.

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a tampon and ask him what period it came from.

NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?

'Cause it's a place to eat.

Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?

In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.

Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.

And 100% of men don’t care.

My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.

Why do men fart louder than women?

Because women can’t keep their mouth shut to build up any pressure.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.

Women have eggs and milk in them...

And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.