Woman jokes
What's the difference between a light bulb and a woman?
You can screw and unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a woman.
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"
She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.
He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"
Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?
When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”
Why is there no woman on the moon?
Because it doesn't need to be cleaned.
The first thing a man looks at in a woman, is her heart.
The fact that her breasts block the view is not her fault.
Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?
Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."
The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."
Why did the policeman rape the woman? Because he thought rapists wouldn't be attracted to non-virgins.
Why did the pervert sing "Gucci Gang"?
Because a woman just gave him a lil pump.
NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?
'Cause it's a place to eat.
Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a tampon and ask him what period it came from.
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
Woman: A woman’s life is harder, there is menstruation, periods, birth...
Man: Men have to deal with women.
What is the fastest way to spread a rumor?
Telephone? No.
Television? No.
How then? Tell a woman!
What do you call a woman in a fighter jet to the right of the president?
An escort.
Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.
And 100% of men don’t care.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.
The real reason women are always cold is because they’re not in front of a stove or an oven. So, naturally, when they leave the habitat, they need to have two blankets.