Woman jokes

What do women have on an empty stomach? A miscarriage.

Little Johnny's dad was driving him to school when they came up on a couple in a convertible. It was apparent that they were arguing. You could then see the woman pull out a knife. Seconds later, his dad saw a penis land in the windshield. Worried little Johnny will see it, he quickly turned on the wipers and brushed it off.

"What was that, Dad?" asked lil Johnny. "Oh, just a bug," said his father. With a confused look on lil Johnny's face, he then says, "That bug sure had a big dick, didn't he?"

My sister asked me what is dark humor. I asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? "Kinder Surprise!"

What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?

She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.

Women.

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone.

But when she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own.

Women's rights.

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!

I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.

How do you know if a Black woman is pregnant?

Stick a chicken wing up there.

Why do women hate having sex with midgets?

Because of their shortcomings.

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,

"It didn't work out."

She told me to be more specific, so I said,

"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

Why does OSHA require women to wear panties?

Because every manhole needs a cover.

I like my women the way I like my coffee, and I don't drink coffee.

I got kicked out of the library for putting a book about women's rights in the fantasy section.

Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.

Life is like a penis. Long, free, flowing, and soft, until a woman comes and makes it hard. 😉

A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."

A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.

The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"