Woman jokes

What has 2 arms but no legs?

A crippled woman with no more meaning in her life.

What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?

A Kinder Joy.

"I'd love to give everyone another shot."

Harry, 26, works at the women's clinic.

I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.

Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.

What do you call a gay man that performs fellatio on a man and cunnilingus on a woman, a person who is curious about male bisexuality, a man that is bicurious?

Does it cycle now?

A redhead, a dark-haired woman, and a blonde walk into a bar and agree to fly to the sun!

The blonde states, "I agree, let's leave at night!"

I must have raped a woman in a skip. She said she felt rubbish.

How can you tell that a woman is asking for sex? Wait for her to drop a bomb on you.

A woman walks out of the bathroom, winks at her husband and says, “I shaved down there; you know what that means.”

The husband responds, “Yeah, the drain is clogged.”

I got kicked out of a library for putting a book about women's rights in the fantasy section.

How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?

Change your name to "Rape."

Your hairline is the reason why some women have miscarriages.

Why do women have two sets of lips?

I kiss both.

My brother when he sees a girl.

Man and woman are having a discussion. The woman looks into the man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . "

". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in!"

Divorce is scheduled for next month.

My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.

What is the first thing you would do if you woke up as a woman?

"Probably the dishes."

I got a job at a library. I got fired after 15 minutes. They told me it was because I put women's rights in the fiction section.

What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?

Accountability.

A woman goes to buy a parrot.

There is one for 200, 500, and one for 15 bucks.

She asks why the last one is so cheap.

The man at the counter says, "It used to live in a brothel/sex house."

The lady buys it anyway.

When she gets home, it says, "Fuck me, a new brothel!"

When her daughters get home, it says, "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!"

When the father gets home, the parrot says, "Fuck me, Daryl, haven't seen you in the brothel in weeks!"