Woman Jokes

I like women how I like my hair dryer, locked in a closet most of the time, and only being used to blow me dry

A womens knitters group is having a meeting and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies. One woman says "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system". Another knitter says "I'm taking Folic acid to help my baby's brain". Finally one woman says "I'm taking Thalidomide". All the women turn to her and say "Thalidomide ! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?" The woman shrugs her shoulders and says "I don't know how to knit arms". (Told to me by a woman knitter)

How do you tell when your wife is dead?

The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

is shooting and killing a pregnant woman a spawn kill or double kill?

If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.

19_What's the difference between a woman and a freezer? Freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

I work at a bank and a old woman asked me to check her balance

So I pushed her over

Why do women wear makeup and perfume? Because they're ugly and smell bad

An autistic woman walks into a bar. "A serving of Screaming Banshee, please." she says. The bartender says "Ok, you seem to like it, unlike a retired special ed teacher that passed through a few minutes ago."

I like my women like my coffee- Ground up and frozen

There is a young man smoking and a woman in a wheelchair. The woman says "why is a young man like you smoking?". The man turns around and says "why the fuck are you wearing trainers...."

A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says don ́t worry there will be a third person in a little while.

There was a woman, with me, sitting. I had to leave until she pointed at something, it was, my butt. I was confused until, it was her turn. Of, Truth or Dare.

So a woman gives birth to a child and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down and starts swinging it around the room and slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go you sick bastard!”, and the doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”

Whenever a woman files a rape accusation, it’s obviously fake. Even the cows at my farm are more likely, at least they aren’t flat.

An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks. "I'm going down to give blood." "How much do you get paid for giving blood?" "About $30." "Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman slightly annoyed gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again. "Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?" "Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.

What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period? One’s finger-licking good and the other is just a fast food restaurant.

for every dollar a man makes, a woman makes 70 cents. That’s unfair! Now the man only has 30 cents!

"The only way I'd want to be reincarnated is if I can be reincarnated as a man" said the young woman, "why?" said her friend. "Oh, I don't know just men are so cool", "is that the only reason?" said her friend. "Maybe........" said the young woman "Maybe".