Woman jokes

One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman.

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'

I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

Why did the woman feel ugly?

A. Nobody would even rape her.

Why did the woman get raped in the ass?

She assed for it.

What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most? The “cold and passed out” kind.

Q: How do you blind a woman?

A: You put a windshield in front of her.

wo(man) fe(male) we(men)

dishwash(her)

Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

A: You slap her.

A woman walks into a bar and says, "Ow!"

I know a woman who owns a taser. -- She's stunning!

Man to woman: "Would you sleep with me for one million dollars?"

Woman: "Sure."

Man: "How about for ten dollars?"

Woman: "What do you think I am?"

Man: "We’ve already established what you are. All we’re doing is negotiating price."

Came across the headline this morning whilst reading the paper...

"Woman beats off Rapist in carpark!"

I suppose that was a fair compromise!

A blind woman told me I had a big penis yesterday.

I think she was pulling my leg.

I conducted a survey. I asked 100 women what kind of shampoo they used while they were in the shower? 98 of them said, "How the fuck did you get in here?" 😂😂😂

Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You can’t beat it, but if you do, she’ll probably come back again.

I got banned from the library because I put the woman's rights book in the fiction section.

Woman: A woman’s life is harder, there is menstruation, periods, birth...

Man: Men have to deal with women.

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

So I did...

I don't remember much after that.