Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times, and she won’t believe you.
Tell a woman she’s fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life.
Woman Jokes
What do you call a crowd of horny white women?
A field of cotton waiting to be picked.
First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.
My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...
She couldn't do either!
What do you call physically handicapped, homophobic, heterosexual men and women in wheelchairs?
Mixed nuts.
A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."
Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.
Why does a woman never set boundaries with a Mexican? Cause they will always cross it.
Some trans "woman" came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender
A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says, "Oh my god, your shoulders are broad!" Another woman says, "Are you sure it's a woman?"
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?
The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.
This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.
I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"
So I did...
I don't remember much after that.
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.
He said the ATM outside.
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.
How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?
Man, I love this joke: Women's rights.
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
