Wear jokes

What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?

When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.

What do you call a chair with a hat?

I don't know; the real question is, why was the chair wearing a hat?

Why did the kid cross the road?

Because he wasn't wearing his seat belt! 😂

Yo mama so fat, when she was wearing black by a bank which was getting robbed, they thought, "AHH SWAT!"

Boyfriend: "Babe, are you traffic police?"

Girlfriend: "No."

Boyfriend: "Then why do you shout at me for not wearing a helmet?"

My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.

Q: Why can emos wear dog collars at school, but people can't wear hats? WTF school!

Me: Mom, can I have some makeup?

Mom: No. You are beautiful just the way you are.

Me: So that’s why you wear makeup?

A small boy went up to a dog fountain? The more you. HAHA gorgeous ddollars of benjamin frnakus wghen hes wearing beakini bea at the beach hahaha.

Why does Sonic wear gloves? Because his hands are cold.

What does Sonic wear when he goes to the beach? A speedo.

Stupid Mary Jane was swinging on the swing.

Her momma said, "Stupid Mary Jane, don't swing so high, the boys will see your underwear!"

Stupid Mary Jane laughed and laughed. She knew she wasn't wearing no underwear.

My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.

I was wearing a George Floyd t-shirt, and a person said to me: "That must be a bit tight round the neck."

What does a house wear? Address.

If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.

If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.

And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!

Question: Why does my teenage brother wear a cape to bed?

Answer: Because he can't sleep in his race car bed...

I don't really trust the press. Sometimes they wear badges that say "press," but if you press those badges, they just fall over, all surprised.

What did the mermaid wear for math class?

Algaebra.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

'Cause she didn't wear a seatbelt.