What is a nudist's least favorite holiday?
Memorial Day.
Why?
Because wearing a poppy can be very painful.
Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.
And 100% of men don’t care.
Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?
He wanted to make TIMELESS TRACKS.
Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?
Because it was all about the TIMING.
Ali from Kazakhstan, he got small forehead, all his friends laugh. They say, "Ali, your forehead so tiny, you need magnifying glass to see!" But Ali, he not care, he proud of his unique look. When he wear hat, it look like top of mountain, so funny, everyone laugh with him. Ali know small forehead no problem, it make him special, like rare gem!
Why does OSHA require women to wear panties?
Because every manhole needs a cover.
My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.
I saw two guys wearing matching clothing, and I asked if they were gay. They quickly arrested me.
Why do you Scotchmen wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
Why did the rapper wear sunglasses to the concert?
Because his lyrics were so fire, he needed protection!
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They wear their ice chains.
Why did the rapper wear sunglasses?
To SHADE the HATERS!
Why did the rapper wear sunglasses to the interview?
Because his FUTURE was too BRIGHT!
Witches do not wear undies. Why? To get a better grip on their broomsticks.
Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.
So I don’t get pepper sprayed.
It's illegal to go onto someone's property, demand money that they might not have while wearing all black, and threaten horrible things if they don't pay.
But when the IRS does it, it's perfectly fine. HMMMMM . . .
What’s worse than banging your sister?
Having to wear your dad’s wedding ring.
Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
