Wear

Wear jokes

One day, a cop pulls a van over, and when he walks up to the window, he sees ten penguins in the back.

The cop asks the man, “Are those your penguins?”

The man says, “Yes, they are my pets.”

The cop replies to the man, “You need to take them to the zoo right now.”

So the man agrees and drives off. The next day, the cop pulls over the same van, and he walks up to the window and sees the ten penguins all wearing sunglasses.

The cop says to the man, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.”

The man says, “I did! Today, we are going to the beach!”

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    • Husband: "Honey, I just bought these special Olympic-style condoms!"

    Wife: "Olympic-style condoms? What makes them so special?"

    Husband: "They come in three colors: gold, silver, and bronze."

    Wife: "Ooh, sweet. What color are you going to wear tonight?"

    Husband: "Gold, of course!"

    Wife: "Why don't you wear silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change."

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    • Lesbian

    When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant:

    Did you get seafood without me? It smells like fish.

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    • Two ropes meet. They ask each other, "Why are you wearing a hijab?" The other replies, "I want to go into the water now."

    The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

    So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

    Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

    Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

    Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

    Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

    The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

    Why did Severus Snape cross the road wearing an invisibility cloak?

    So no one would know what side he was on.

    There was a boy who owned a dog, who was walking while wearing headphones.

    Upon entering a park, he saw a sign that read, "DOGS MUST HAVE LEAD". He continued into the park, and became immersed in the music.

    After leaving the park 20 minutes later and turning around for the first time in a while to remove the lead, the sight of his now-dead, freshly-poisoned dog reminded him of the importance of heteronyms.

    What is a nudist's least favorite holiday?

    Memorial Day.

    Why?

    Because wearing a poppy can be very painful.

    Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?

    In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.

    Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?

    He wanted to make TIMELESS TRACKS.

    Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?

    Because it was all about the TIMING.

    Ali from Kazakhstan, he got small forehead, all his friends laugh. They say, "Ali, your forehead so tiny, you need magnifying glass to see!" But Ali, he not care, he proud of his unique look. When he wear hat, it look like top of mountain, so funny, everyone laugh with him. Ali know small forehead no problem, it make him special, like rare gem!