Why don’t mountains catch colds? They wear snow caps.
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, “OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.” “Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way,” said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. ! She went to the bartender and said, “Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?”
“Well, now they know you’re one of us,” said the bartender, “Would you like a drink?” “No thank you, but, I still don’t understand,” said the puzzled nun.
“You see,” laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.
Now, how about that drink?"
A teacher asks a boy in her class “If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?” The boy responds with “None.” The teacher asks why. “They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot.” The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think. Later, the boy asks the teacher “3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?” The teacher says “The one sucking it.” The boy says “No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think.”
I saw two men wearing the same clothing and walking together, so I asked both of them if they were gay. They did not hesitate arresting me after I said that.
Chuck Norris and Superman had a bet. The loser had to wear their underwear on their pants.
Why do Java Programmers wear glasses? - Because they don’t C#.
Why did Paul walker cross the street?
Because he wasn’t wearing his seatbelt
Why do ballerinas wear tutus? The one-ones are too small and the three-threes are too big.
Why do cows wear bells? – Because their horns don’t work.
Yo mama so fat she wears orions belt
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? - In case he got a hole in one.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? – To keep his ankles warm.
So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret and I said, well you never know when you need to pick a lock
Why do mermaids wear seashells? They are too big for “B” shells, and too small for “D” shells.
Why did Paul Walker cross the road?
He wasn’t wearing a seatbelt
If u want to pick on someone, pick on orphans. Let them tell their parents. Double! Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere! Triple! Why did Bob cross the road? Because he wasnt wearing his seatbelt.
Your mama is so fat that when she wears yellow, kids run after her thinking they missed the school bus
Why don’t phones wear glasses? Because they have contacts!
What do tigers 🐅 wear in the winter ❄️?
A striped sweater.