Press jokes

Despite Michael Jackson’s legal problems while he was alive, McDonald’s is still going to honor his life achievements in the music industry by naming a sandwich after him.

They’re going to call it the McMichael! It’s going to be a fifty year old piece of meat pressed between two eight year old buns.

I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.

It was soda-pressing.

I got an orphan an iPhone 6. I told him to press the home button. He has been doing it all day.

What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?

Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.

How do you blow up an Indian person?

You press the red button.

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

So I did...

I don't remember much after that.

I was on an orphan's website, but I pressed on his profile and realized he had no home page.

Whenever I see a dog video, I just take a second to press paws.

What songs do people with no arms listen to?

None, 'cause they can’t press play.

Stephen Hawking's death was simply an accident. He pressed power off instead of sleep mode.

How do you blow up an Indian? Press the red dot in the middle of their forehead!

🤣😂😆😁

The media's relationship with Hillary is just like Bill's relationship with Hillary. The relationship is unwanted and forced, and they'll move on to the next person any chance they get.

I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.

Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!

Mr. Smith lived in an apartment. In the apartment, he went to the elevator and went to the 16th floor. Then he went to the 21st floor by 5 stairs every morning. Why did he do that?

Because he was too short! So he pressed the highest button he could and walked to his apartment.

Why did Stephen Hawking die? ... Because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep."

Why do orphans play GTA?

To be wanted.

Why do orphanages give out free phones?

So you can press the home button.

What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?

Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.

Have you heard about the corduroy pillow cases? They've been making headlines.

Your mom is so fat that she works as a hydraulic press in a car factory!