Vision jokes
Why does Hitler need glasses?
Because he could Nazi.
Why did the blind man fall down the well?
He just couldn't see that well.
Have you ever heard of the eye tear?
Me either.
God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"
People at school thought I had special powers. It was something called "Constant supervision."
Your face is so big that not even you can see it.
The happier they get, the less they see.
I spy with my little eye something starting with, actually I have TWO normal eyes.
After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.
If I were in a staring contest with you, I would be looking at a rainbow.
How do you blind an Irish woman?
You put a bottle of Scotch in front of her.
Why can’t Asians play baseball?
Because they can’t see the ball.
Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?
Mum: See the four birds over there?
Kid: Huh, wait a minute.
Mum: A drunk person would see eight.
Kid: Mum, but there is only two.
At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
Nope, should've gone to Specsavers.
Why can’t the blind man find love?
It’s called love at first sight.
Why are blinds called blinds?
Because when they aren’t closed, they are blinding!
Why don't phones wear glasses? Because they have contacts!
I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!
What did Stevie Wonder see when he got murdered?
Nothing.