Vision jokes
Q. What color were Mohammed Atta’s eyes?
A. Blue, one blue this way and one blue the other way.
How do you blind an Irish woman?
You put a bottle of Scotch in front of her.
What do blind people and orphans have in common?
They both can't see their parents.
Why did an old man fall in a well?
Because he couldn't see that well.
Uma Thurman's optometrist must have wide glasses sometimes.
Memes
Why is "dark" spelled with a K and not a C?
Because you can't see in the dark.
I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.
If I were in a staring contest with you, I would be looking at a rainbow.
What did John Cena say to the blind man? "YOU CAN'T SEE ME!"
Spell "I cup..." "I see you pee!"
This guy in a trench coat walks up to a kid, opens the trench coat and has glasses inside.
He says to the kid, “Hey kid, want some extra-see?”
What do you call Yakub with no eyes?
No eyes Yakub.
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
Because her students were so bright!
My math teacher walked by and asked me, "What is that?"
I said, "Paper."
She said, "Really?"
I said, "Yeah, do you need glasses?"
Why did the rapper go to the optometrist?
Because he needed to improve his RAP VISION.
What do me and a blind person have in common after I look at Alfie's mum?
We're both blind.
Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.
At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
I wore a purple outfit to school, and some Indian kid called me Thanos, so I called him Vision and tried pulling the red dot off his head.
My friend said he saw a blind man. I said, "Did he LOOK nice?"