Batman jokes
What did Batman do when he went shopping?
Got ham!
Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!" Genie: "Wish granted!" When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.
What would Batman do if he wasn't rich?
He would be robin.
I was making fun of an orphan, then I realized he tracked me down. I made a bad decision. He was Batman!
Why does Batman cover half of his face? To let the police know that he's white.
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman?
The Dark Knight Rises.
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.
How can Batman defeat the Joker? A: With a handful of sleeping pills.
Why do orphans like Batman? They are 50% like him.
What is an orphan's favorite show?
Batman.
What's the difference between Madeline McCann and Batman? Batman returns.
Joker: Knock knock...
Batman: Who's there?
Joker: Not your parents!
Little Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher said, "Okay, everyone, tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet." Johnny didn't know the alphabet, so he decided to ask his family. He walked into the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mama, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV, and he says, "Tommy, what's the second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman." So he went to his grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma, what's the third letter of the alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him, he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher comes to Johnny, she says, "Johnny, what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now," Johnny says. "Who do you think you are, young man, to talk to someone like me that way?" the teacher asks. "I'm Batman," Johnny says. The teacher whups his ass, and little Johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"
Later that day, he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse, that he accidentally cussed at his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.
What is Batman like?
He is an orphan.
Kid finds genie lamp, wishes to be Batman.
Genie: You're now an orphan.
Kid: I want to be like Batman.
Genie: I can make arrangements. The kid comes home, both of his parents are dead.
Genie: I told you.
Kid: .............................................
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
Christian Bale.
That awkward moment you try to relate to Batman by killing your parents.
What is Batman's favorite food?
Justice.
My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I went in as Batman.