Perception jokes

What do blind kids and orphans have in common? Neither of them can see their parents.

Dark humor is like a dad - not everyone gets it.

Dark humor is a lot like food.

Not everyone gets it.

Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"

Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

"You're da bomb!" "No, you're da bomb!"

In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

Dark jokes are like water; some people just don't get it.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

It's ironic that the more other people love you, the more you hate yourself.

What do you call a blind dinosaur? Do-you-think-he-saurus.

Yes, I'm CUTE.

C-ringe U-gly T-errible E-mpty.

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

A fat man meets a skinny man.

The fat man tells the skinny man: "When people look at you, they think the world's starving to death."

And the skinny man responds: "When they look at you, they know why."

Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.

How do you find a blind man at a nude beach?

It isn't hard.

I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."

Kid asks, "What is dark humor?" Me *points*, "See that guy across the street..." Kid: "I can't... I'm blind." Me: "Exactly."

If a man says you’re ugly, he likes you.

If a woman says you’re ugly, she’s just jealous.

If a child says you’re ugly, well, you’re ugly.

Look in the mirror. There's a joke for you.