Vision jokes
Why do Chinese people need glasses to see better?
All they need to do is open their eyes.
I was watching the news and heard a segment about a blind hooker who got stabbed 40 times.
At least she didn't see it coming.
How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?
One (flips lens) or two? One (flips another lens) or two?
"Come on, take the camera!"
"Isn't it clear?"
"Well, look!"
If you pour paint in your eyes, the paint loses the 't'.
What do blind people and orphans have in common?
They both can't see their parents.
How do you blind an Irish woman?
You put a bottle of Scotch in front of her.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Luke.
Luke who?
Luke through the keyhole and you’ll see.
Beauty is blind? Ya damn right, 'cause that's what happened when she saw your ass.
If a CEO goes blind, are they just an EO?
I just found out I'm colorblind. News came out of the purple.
What do you call a German that can not see?
A Not-see.
Why did the cellphone get glasses? Because it lost its contacts!
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
What do you call a dear with no eyes?
I have no eye deer!
At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.
Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.
Why did the rapper go to the optometrist?
Because he needed to improve his RAP VISION.