Violence jokes

Lil Johnny looked a lil bonny, but then when he saw Tommy, he decided to bomb me.

So, my best friend's boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.

So I told her a "single" joke, then she said, "Go and fucking die, you insensitive bitch!"

I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF, I will break his body for you—happy now?"

She said, "*sniff* yes."

Jill went up to a bar to play a game of pool. Then Jack came in and asked Jill if she wanted to ride in his new car. She said, "I have to think." Then Jack said, "At least let me buy you a drink." After 5 drinks, he asked again. This time she said yes, so they got in the car and Jack and Jill rode up a hill to Jack's home. Then Jack said, "Close your eyes, I got a surprise!" So Jack lead Jill to his room then said, "Open your eyes!" So Jill opened her eyes, then Jack got them some red wine. Jack got drunk and unzipped his fly and Jack said, "I know you wanna." She said, "No way!" So Jack gave her one more drink, then she passed out. Then Jack ripped all his clothes off. Then he did the same to Jill. Then he did it till 3am.

One time my boyfriend and I were playing the tickle game and I tickled him on his thighs by accident, and I said, "Oh no, I am dead."

Then he started tickling me on my thighs up to my vagina, and then I moaned while laughing and told him, "STOP, please."

Then he said, "That's what I thought," and I was like, you cheated. He was like, "You first did it."

So he went to the restroom and pulled down his pants. Then I jumped on him and pulled his dick five times, and he screamed, and I quickly ran out and laughed. Then he ran to me, and I screamed, and he started eating my pussy and fingering me while I said, "Okay, okay, stop."

And he stopped and started sucking my boobs and giving me hickeys while I said, "Please stop," and then I pushed him off, and he turned me around and put his dick in my hole, and I said, "Owwwwwwww."

Then he said, "Play with me, I'll fuck you up."

I said, "Ughh," and slapped him.

Kid starts short-coming people in school. Teacher asks, "Why are you doing that?"

He responds, "I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas!"

What's black and red and goes 90 miles an hour? A baby in a blender!

There is only one thing I have to give my enemies.

A bucket full of dead baby heads and semen so they can replenish their spawn.

A pirate walks into a tavern with a pirate ship attached to his nutty wuttys. It's driving me nuts!

A troll proceeds to pull out a desert eagle and shoot the pirate in the face. He makes a poggers face and says, "Problem??"

How do you prevent a physics teacher from drowning? Shoot her before she touches the water.

What do you call Helen Keller after she killed 10 people?

Helen Killer.

I looked at you, and you were bald until I got slapped up by Will Smith to the back of your head and saw the Great Wall of China.

Why did the terrorist not get paid, but they loved their job?

They di2s drying plans.

How do you make a trash can leak?

Hit it with an axe until it becomes part of the cosmos!

How do you help a rape victim on a diet lose 7 pounds?

Kill her afterwards.

During the Great War, a man holding a machine gun shoots down a swarm of soldiers running on a swamp.

He says: "You came to the wrong swamp, Americans! You came to the wrong swamp!" *He didn't stop firing.*

How do you get ten babies in a bucket?

With a blender.

How many babies does it take to cover a brick wall?

Depends on how hard you throw it. 😆😂😁

If there's ever a shooting at school, pull out an Uno reverse card.

Slay.

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?