Violence jokes

The USA has school shootings. We Canadians have bus beheadings.

Did you hear about the Syrian guy that shot a bunch of people? He was Robert Kurd.

Why did the suicide bomber get promoted?

Because he was blowing up at work. 💀😈

What kind of punch takes out 20 children and 8 adults? A Sandy Hook.

Why do you need an AR-15?

So my son can use it if he's being bullied at school.

What's the difference between a terrorist training camp and an orphanage?

I don't know, I just fly the drone.

How does a terrorist feed their kids?

"Here comes the airplane."

Q: What's black and white and red all over?

A: The U.S. in 1919!

Where did the children go after he stepped on the land mine?

There, there, over there, and over here too.

Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.

Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."

One time I was playing a bongo at a Chinese restaurant.

But they were competing against a Cuban restaurant and killed me.

I beat up a failed musician until he started crying.

I thought a few hits would cheer him up!

How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"

How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"

"Hola, soy Dora. Do you see the cliff? Say, "backpack." Tell her that we need Amanda. While I push her off the cliff, you will not peek. Did you just peek? Close your eyes, you silly goose." The end.

I set a gay person on fire. We now call him LGBBQ.

There once was a man who beat his wife, And before he even knew it, he ended her life. His hands were a mess, all red and bloody, He had to find somewhere to hide the body.

Your hairline got pulled back. You look like you've been climbing Chris, and you got smacked up by Will Smith.

Bored? Run over an orphan with your car! What are they going to do, tell their nonexistent parents?

You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.

"Dinosaur killing with a 2x4, no more purple dinosaur!"