Violence jokes
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Stranger.
Stranger who?
Stranger, why are you in my house masticating my apparent dead wife?
Roses are red, I have a confession:
A man kills best friend after 10hrs anal sex session.
Me: 911, I just killed someone.
Cops: Cool, we will not come.
Me: Why?
Cops: Don't admit a crime.
Phones: *Bang Bang*
Me: Well, that was 2 crimes done.
What's black and white and red all over????? A zebra in a blender!
What's black, white, and red all over?
Lossvagus school shooting.
How can you tell when a female was raped? She crossed herself out.
Why are school shootings branded “very American”?
1. They usually happen in the USA.
2. They’re like the Fourth of July: there’s a lot of loud banging and kids screaming.
Would you rather:
Fight Mike Tyson
Or
Lick an elephant's butt after it took a crap with diarrhea?
I punched an orphan, and he told me to leave him alone. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"
When the school shooter shoots the autistic kid and he thinks he's having an orgasm.
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
What’s the best part of raping an 11 year old girl?
Killing the little bitch after you’ve finished with her.
Little Johnny brought a baseball bat to school.
The teacher asked why he had one. He said, "I need it to beat up the principal!"
When the principal found out what Little Johnny had said, well, let’s just say Little Johnny didn’t need no baseball bat to kill him.
Why did Jimmy throw the clock out the window? Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man who knife-raped his wife.
When I go to bed, my mother comes in ten minutes later with a brick and beats me with it.
What did John say after someone shot his leg?
Oof!
It’s raining, it’s pouring. The old man is snoring. He got shot in the head and didn’t wake up in the morning.
You're dead inside.
(Stabs him 23 times)
What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?
My last if she knows what's good for her.