I hit my friend.
He's dead now.
Violence Jokes
Bambi was calmly eating grass. All of a sudden, a red dot pointed near his heart caught his attention. He looked around anxiously, and he saw a man in camouflage. He whispered, "Time to join mother, Bambi!" Bambi knew what this meant. He ran. He heard a gunshot, followed by a wave of extreme pain. Bambi fell to the ground. He glanced at his leg, which was no longer attached to his body. The man in camouflage came up to him and stabbed him in the heart. Everything went black...
I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!
When the school shooter runs out of ammo: K a l m.
When he grabs a full mag: P a n i k.
When he looks back and doesn't see you, but you're hiding in one of the classrooms: K a l m.
When the autistic kid's Sketchers light up: P A N I K.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll f*ck your mom, and you'll be next.
What do Middle Eastern suicide bombers say before they blow up?
I weel sho u wot da bom bom is! ALLAH!
Q: Wanna see something funny?
A: Sure.
*bomb Florida*
Q. What do rapists fear more than rabies?
A. Rape babies.
What's the difference between 13 dead babies and a skeleton?
There aren't any, there's 13 skeletons in my closet.
How did Sally die?
She got shot.
How many babies does it take to paint a room red?
Depends how hard you throw 'em.
How many babies does it take to paint a barn red? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.
How are babies and watermelons similar?
They are both fun to smash open with a sledgehammer and eat the insides.
I rule my women with an IRON FIST!!
Yeah, literally an iron that my fist is clenching against her face.
Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel.
The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning.
The guys show up and the guards shoot them.
The guys die because the guards used real guns.
If a WOMAN gets RAPED, RUN INTO THE SECNE AND HELP HER.
Bro, imagine shooting a school for autistic people.
How do you make a trash can leak?
Hit it with an axe until it becomes part of the cosmos!
Q. Why did the boy fall off his bike?
A. His mom threw an oven at him.
Personally, I think putting beans on toast is better than bullets in children.
