Violence jokes

Dammit, I hanged off their nose off.

You walk into a room, and there’s a lot of people waiting in line to punch you... Yeah, that’s the punchline.

What's the difference between when I opened the window in a car wash and when Kawhi Leonard did it? At least my dad didn't get shot in the eye.

Violence isn't the answer. It's the question, and the answer is yes.

If you're bored, just punch an orphan. It's not like they can tell their parents.

Me walking away after committing murder in a school with my trusty “friend”.

I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.

I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and give her it so she can bleed more.

Bro, I was told that "LMAO" meant launching missiles at orphanages. Well, I LMAOed. I don't think they are ever gonna see their parents again.

Why did McDonald’s kill somebody because they stole the 12-piece nuggets that will never be seen because of them!

How do you stop a terrorist from drowning?

Take your foot off his head.

The best way to enjoy Port Arthur is to shoot through--a quote by hilarious comedian Isaac Butterfield.

You can slap, punch, knock out an orphan, what will they do? They don't have parents!

"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"

How many babies does it take to paint the walls red?

Depends how hard you throw them.

One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"

I took my mother-in-law out today...

I love being a sniper.

"Um, honey, I'm glad you're done, but um, WHO KICKED OUR BABY'S ASS?! I'M PRETTY SURE FACES DON'T BEND THAT WAY!!"

They say that "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach," but I find it a lot easier to go through the ribcage.

What do you get when you put a baby in a blender? An extraction.