Violence jokes

DONE🔫

I set a gay person on fire. We now call him LGBBQ.

"This is the dude who assassinated JFK."

"If you got a question, just shoot!"

Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.

Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."

One time I was playing a bongo at a Chinese restaurant.

But they were competing against a Cuban restaurant and killed me.

There once was a man who beat his wife, And before he even knew it, he ended her life. His hands were a mess, all red and bloody, He had to find somewhere to hide the body.

Sonic says if you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

Your hairline got pulled back. You look like you've been climbing Chris, and you got smacked up by Will Smith.

"Dinosaur killing with a 2x4, no more purple dinosaur!"

"Hola, soy Dora. Do you see the cliff? Say, "backpack." Tell her that we need Amanda. While I push her off the cliff, you will not peek. Did you just peek? Close your eyes, you silly goose." The end.

Knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock. Knock knock who? I'll knock knock you out if you don't stop.

How do you get 50 babies into a car?

You blend them.

I learned that a strangler was targeting me.

All I could think was, "You’ve got to be choking me!"

What's the best part about beating up an orphan?

They can't tell their parents.

What turns green to red in a flick of a switch?

A frog in a blender.

They laughed at my crayon drawing.

So I laughed at their chalk outline.

What do you get when you put a baby in a blender? An extraction.

"Um, honey, I'm glad you're done, but um, WHO KICKED OUR BABY'S ASS?! I'M PRETTY SURE FACES DON'T BEND THAT WAY!!"

A farmer told me that he wanted a couple of acres, so I punched him in the teeth.

Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?

A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.