Violence jokes
What does the school shooter do after he shoots a victim? He shoots more kids in them!
What is the difference between a bag of chips and a gun?
If you pull one of them suddenly, everybody wants to be your friend.
When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)
Why did a school shooter get banned from a game server?
He was caught aimbotting.
What's the difference between a school shooting pistol and a baked potato? The physical composition, of course, but they both pack the same heat.
Memes
Build your ex a fire, and they're warm for a day.
Set your ex on fire and hide the smile/evidence.
Some weird kid came into school today with his tagging gun. He tagged my friend really good. At the end, he tagged 12 students and 1 teacher. VICTORY ROAYAL ✌
How many babies does it take to paint the walls red?
Depends how hard you throw them.
One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"
I took my mother-in-law out today...
I love being a sniper.
Man 1: Knock knock.
Man 2: Who's there?
Man 1: Ice.
Man 2: Ice who?
Man 1: I crushed your head.
Knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock. Knock knock who? I'll knock knock you out if you don't stop.
How do you get 50 babies into a car?
You blend them.
What turns green to red in a flick of a switch?
A frog in a blender.
They say that "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach," but I find it a lot easier to go through the ribcage.
"Um, honey, I'm glad you're done, but um, WHO KICKED OUR BABY'S ASS?! I'M PRETTY SURE FACES DON'T BEND THAT WAY!!"
What do you get when you put a baby in a blender? An extraction.
A farmer told me that he wanted a couple of acres, so I punched him in the teeth.
Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?
A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.
I learned that a strangler was targeting me.
All I could think was, "You’ve got to be choking me!"