What's the best part about beating up an orphan?
They can't tell their parents.
Violence Jokes
What turns green to red in a flick of a switch?
A frog in a blender.
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
So I laughed at their chalk outline.
What do you get when you put a baby in a blender? An extraction.
"Um, honey, I'm glad you're done, but um, WHO KICKED OUR BABY'S ASS?! I'M PRETTY SURE FACES DON'T BEND THAT WAY!!"
A farmer told me that he wanted a couple of acres, so I punched him in the teeth.
Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?
A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.
"Daveon, stop screaming for help because I broke your kneecaps!"
What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?
It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Chuck Norris strangled someone with a cordless phone.
Did you hear about the bull who went on a shooting rampage?
I guess he was a little deranged.
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: The U.S. in 1919!
A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."
Teacher: Tell me a moral story.
Little Johnny: Once my grandfather was in WW2. He saw everyone praising to kill him. For example, we should sneak up and kill him. We get the helicopter above and shoot him from there. My grandfather heard this, he got his gun and shot them all.
Teacher: What is the moral even?
Little Johnny: Never plan to kill my grandfather.
My favorite sex position is the JFK:
I splatter all over her as she screams and tries to get out of the car.
Why did Arnold throw his clock out of the window?
It reminded him of Richard Clocks, a man convicted for knife raping his wife.
What did Saskia say to Brandon?
Saskia: "Can you rape me like you did Sydney?"
My dad raped my mom, now I have a brother.
Why did the clown stop smiling?
Someone chopped his lips off.
I saw a man trying to rape a dog. I decided to help. The dog can't stand a chance against the both of us.
