Violence jokes
I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.
The best way to enjoy Port Arthur is to shoot through--a quote by hilarious comedian Isaac Butterfield.
Why did McDonald’s kill somebody because they stole the 12-piece nuggets that will never be seen because of them!
Build your ex a fire, and they're warm for a day.
Set your ex on fire and hide the smile/evidence.
Some weird kid came into school today with his tagging gun. He tagged my friend really good. At the end, he tagged 12 students and 1 teacher. VICTORY ROAYAL ✌
What is the difference between a bag of chips and a gun?
If you pull one of them suddenly, everybody wants to be your friend.
Man 1: Knock knock.
Man 2: Who's there?
Man 1: Ice.
Man 2: Ice who?
Man 1: I crushed your head.
One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"
How many babies does it take to paint the walls red?
Depends how hard you throw them.
How do you get 50 babies into a car?
You blend them.
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
So I laughed at their chalk outline.
What do you get when you put a baby in a blender? An extraction.
Knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock. Knock knock who? I'll knock knock you out if you don't stop.
"Um, honey, I'm glad you're done, but um, WHO KICKED OUR BABY'S ASS?! I'M PRETTY SURE FACES DON'T BEND THAT WAY!!"
They say that "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach," but I find it a lot easier to go through the ribcage.
"I will kill you with knife and gun, get ready, Explain Bear, stupid f***."
When a redhead commits a mass shooting, does the headline read, "Ginger snaps"?
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.
My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.
Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.