Violence jokes

When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say, “This boy always had a fat ass.”

Mom: You can't die in the living room, David, so you can stop stabbing and shooting yourself.

David: I will surpass Kakarot!

Jordan: *dead on the living room floor*

Is shooting and killing a pregnant woman a spawn kill or double kill?

Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.

I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.

So I told my sister, "Want [to] hear some jokes?" and she was like, "Hit me with [your] best shot, fire away," and I was like, "Okay, I know [you're] singing an old song, yeah I was trying to see if [you] sing too," and I said, "Who do [you] think I am, Chris Brown?"

What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?

One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.

What does a light bulb and a school shooter have in common?

They both light up the room.

How do you fit 100 rape victims inside a Mini Cooper?

In the ashtray.

How do you piss off a feminist? You rape her.

What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.

If you ever get mad, just punch an orphan. What are they supposed to do? Tell their parents?

Schools in the hood are kind of the same thing. I always seem to get shot.

Jill went up to a bar to play a game of pool. Then Jack came in and asked Jill if she wanted to ride in his new car. She said, "I have to think." Then Jack said, "At least let me buy you a drink." After 5 drinks, he asked again. This time she said yes, so they got in the car and Jack and Jill rode up a hill to Jack's home. Then Jack said, "Close your eyes, I got a surprise!" So Jack lead Jill to his room then said, "Open your eyes!" So Jill opened her eyes, then Jack got them some red wine. Jack got drunk and unzipped his fly and Jack said, "I know you wanna." She said, "No way!" So Jack gave her one more drink, then she passed out. Then Jack ripped all his clothes off. Then he did the same to Jill. Then he did it till 3am.

Chuck Norris strangled someone with a cordless phone.

What's the difference between sex and rape? Some effective drugs.

How do you put a baby in the blender feet first so you can see its facial expressions?

How do you get it out? Tortilla chip.

A gay man enters a bar. At the counter, he sees a skinhead sitting, which he somehow finds cute. He gathers all his courage, goes to the skinhead and whispers to him, "Do you want a blowjob?"

The skinhead punches the gay man in the face with his fist, causing him to go down. Then he drags him outside into the parking lot and kicks him again with his boots before going back inside and sitting down at the counter.

"Man," says the bartender, "but you beat him up quite a bit! What did the man even say to you that you were so freaked out?"

"I don't know," replies the skinhead, "something about a job..."

What does a woman do when she leaves the battered women's shelter?

"Cook my dinner, if she knows what's good for her."

Why don't parents get school shooting jokes? They're aimed at a younger audience.