Violence jokes

Why did the clown stop smiling?

Someone chopped his lips off.

I saw a man trying to rape a dog. I decided to help. The dog can't stand a chance against the both of us.

Two boys were playing cards on a picnic table outside the school. Both of the boys had revolvers hidden in their waistband.

Now, one of the boys was a notorious cheater, who liked to hide his cards in his waistband. Recess was just about to end, when all the kids heard a loud bang erupt from the picnic table. In tears, the card player admitted that he had shot the other card player, stating "I played a King, and he started reaching for his waistband!"

So my best friend’s boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.

So I told her a ‘single’ joke. Then she said, "Go and f***ing die, you insensitive bitch!"

I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF I will break his body for you. Happy now?"

She said, "Sniff, yes."

The poacher agrees but says that his assistant is ill and will need the man to come with him in his assistant's place. The man agrees, and so the poacher goes out to the jungle with the man.

The poacher brings a pair of handcuffs, a long stick, a shotgun, and a dog. They search through the jungle for about an hour and then spot a male gorilla above in the treetops.

The man asks the poacher what the plan is. The poacher replies, "I'm going to climb the tree and, when I get close enough, I'm going to start poking the gorilla with the stick until it falls out of the tree.

The dog is a specially trained dog. When the gorilla falls out of the tree, the dog will try to bite off the gorilla's balls. When the gorilla moves its hands to protect its balls, you put the handcuffs on it."

This all seems to make sense to the man, but he has one question. "What is the shotgun for?" he asks the poacher. The poacher responds: "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the dog."

How do you make a cat sound like a dog?

You set it on fire; then it goes, "WOOF!"

What do 100,000 battered women have in common? The bitch was wrong!

Whenever I’m bored, I hit up my local orphanage and beat some of them up.

I mean honestly, what are they going to do, tell their parents? 😂😂

How do you fit a baby in a glass?

A blender.

How do you get it out?

Explosives!

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

How hard can you throw them!

What’s the difference between a cat and a dog?

It’s easier to throw a cat against the wall.

How many dead babies does it take to paint my room?

It depends how many bullets you have.

How long does it take for 10 dead babies to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.

How do you rape a girl?

By doing a tornado kick to your head since you stupid kids like rape jokes!

Why did Sally die? She got stabbed by her mum.

What is it called when a gay guy punches someone?

Fruit punch.

What’s red and cries?

A skinned baby in a bag of salt.

Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a baby?

A: The pizza does not scream when you put it in the oven.

What kind of punch hurts a kid the most?

A sandy hook.

I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a "fret."