Violence jokes
I love punching orphans. What are they gonna do? Tell their mum?
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 broke into a daycare and ate 12 children before burning the building down.
Why did the little girl cry twice?
Because you wiped your shitty bloody duck on her favorite teddy bear.
"Kill yourself."
"Kill me yourself, pussy."
How many babies does it take to paint a room red?
Depends how hard you throw 'em.
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up... you're next!"
I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.
If you're having a bad day, just slap an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their parents?
Why are there 30 bullets in one clip?
Because that's the average classroom size.
What do you call a fat girl with a rape alarm?
Optimistic.
Today is Elder Abuse Awareness Day.
Unfortunately, they're still not giving lessons on how to beat an annoying Alzheimer's patient without leaving a mark.
A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.
To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."
He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.
What do you call a nine year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
What's black and white and red all over? An American School.
My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0
This is not a joke; this is just about death...
Jared from Subway. Remember kids, "tuna sub" backwards is what I'm going to do on your face.
A black n***a crashes a neighborhood barbecue, bragging about his 'hood credentials' while hogging all the ribs and collard greens. The host calls him out, 'Yo, pay up or get out. Ain't no freebies here.' He laughs it off, 'Man, I run this block!' But the host's burly brother, who's been grilling the whole time, snarls, 'Wrong, fool. Time to settle the score.' He pins him against the picnic table, wraps a chain leash around his neck from the dog run, edges him with a vibrating basting brush slathered in hot sauce, and then plows his ass deep and hard, grunting, 'Now you're the main course, spicier than the jerk chicken!'
OnlyFans, but it’s me smacking your baby daddies with Twisted Tea.
Only Cans.
When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!
Why do you need an AR-15?
So my son can use it if he's being bullied at school.