Violence jokes

You walk into a room, and there’s a lot of people waiting in line to punch you... Yeah, that’s the punchline.

I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and give her it so she can bleed more.

Violence isn't the answer. It's the question, and the answer is yes.

Me walking away after committing murder in a school with my trusty “friend”.

Dammit, I hanged off their nose off.

You can slap, punch, knock out an orphan, what will they do? They don't have parents!

"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"

Man 1: Knock knock.

Man 2: Who's there?

Man 1: Ice.

Man 2: Ice who?

Man 1: I crushed your head.

One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"

I took my mother-in-law out today...

I love being a sniper.

How many babies does it take to paint the walls red?

Depends how hard you throw them.

They say that "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach," but I find it a lot easier to go through the ribcage.

What do you get when you put a baby in a blender? An extraction.

Knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock. Knock knock who? I'll knock knock you out if you don't stop.

They laughed at my crayon drawing.

So I laughed at their chalk outline.

Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?

A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.

"Um, honey, I'm glad you're done, but um, WHO KICKED OUR BABY'S ASS?! I'M PRETTY SURE FACES DON'T BEND THAT WAY!!"

My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.

I hate school. I mean, why can't you pull out a 12 gauge and shoot everyone, including the teachers?! This generation is too soft, man.

If you're having a bad day, just slap an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their parents?