Violence jokes

What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?

It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Sonic says if you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

Roses are red, violets are not lime, if you turn around, I will fist you anytime.

When you let the school shooter borrow your pen so he doesn't kill you.

What am I gonna do on the 5th anniversary of the Parkland shooting?

Shoot a load in you just like I shot those kids ;)

Why did the bullet end up losing his job?

Because he got fired!

I hate school. I mean, why can't you pull out a 12 gauge and shoot everyone, including the teachers?! This generation is too soft, man.

A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.

If you're having a bad day, just slap an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their parents?

Do you remember blowing bubbles when you were younger?

Well, Bubbles is back in town and was asking about you!

Shout out to the terrorists, your year is starting off with a bang!

"Daveon, stop screaming for help because I broke your kneecaps!"

DONE🔫

Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?

Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!

"This is the dude who assassinated JFK."

"If you got a question, just shoot!"

What turns green to red in a flick of a switch?

A frog in a blender.

I learned that a strangler was targeting me.

All I could think was, "You’ve got to be choking me!"

What's the best part about beating up an orphan?

They can't tell their parents.

A farmer told me that he wanted a couple of acres, so I punched him in the teeth.

Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?

A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.