Violence jokes

Kid: "THERE'S A SHOOTER IN THE BUILDING!"

Shooter: "Oops."

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

It depends on how hard you throw them.

Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"

The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.

Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."

My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.

Why do you need an AR-15?

So my son can use it if he's being bullied at school.

What kind of punch takes out 20 children and 8 adults? A Sandy Hook.

How does a terrorist feed their kids?

"Here comes the airplane."

"I will kill you with knife and gun, get ready, Explain Bear, stupid f***."

Did you hear about the Syrian guy that shot a bunch of people? He was Robert Kurd.

Q: What's black and white and red all over?

A: The U.S. in 1919!

"Daveon, stop screaming for help because I broke your kneecaps!"

I beat up a failed musician until he started crying.

I thought a few hits would cheer him up!

How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"

How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"

Do you remember blowing bubbles when you were younger?

Well, Bubbles is back in town and was asking about you!

They say that "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach," but I find it a lot easier to go through the ribcage.

Knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock. Knock knock who? I'll knock knock you out if you don't stop.

What's the best part about beating up an orphan?

They can't tell their parents.

A farmer told me that he wanted a couple of acres, so I punched him in the teeth.

What turns green to red in a flick of a switch?

A frog in a blender.

Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?

A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.