Violence Jokes

Hitler was talking about how to fight in WW2 when someone sneezed while Hitler was giving a speech, so Hitler yelled, "WHO SNEEZED ROW 1? DID ANYONE SNEEZE?" They said no, and Hitler shot everybody. Same for row 2 & 3, but in row 4 someone nervous said, "Me, I'm sorry." Then Hitler said, "Bless you."

(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)

What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.

Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.

Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

How do you stop a baby from crying?

Throw a brick in its mouth.

How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?

I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...

I say 123, yeah, the kids bullied me, but they really don't know that my dad has a gun, yeah.

POV: school shooters be like when they see students running

A GIF showing two hands. The lower hand is partially visible and has three stripes tattooed on its wrist. The index finger is pointed upwards, and a flickering flame emanates from the fingertip. Above, another hand with black fingernails is positioned.

Murder: Wanna play a game?

Me: Ok (pulls out Xbox controller)

A child was walking through the forest when a wolf jumped in front of him. The child saw that the wolf had no leg. He then became a terrorist and caused 9/11.