Violence jokes

There were two sisters. They said they were supporting nine eleven, so I shot one of the sister's kneecaps, and the other sister got shot in the head.

Are you a school? Cause I wanna shoot some kids inside of you.

So I walk into a bar, and there’s people waiting in line to punch me in the face.

That’s the punch line.

God bless the shooting that happened.

Q: What's worse than f**king a 2 year old?

A: Wiping the blood off of your clown suit afterwards.

Why is black mystery not an Airheads flavor? Because we already know what happened to them. *shot fires*

Why didn’t the orphan play baseball?

Because I took the bat and swung it at their kneecaps, and now they can’t run. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Why did my dad bring a bomb vest to fit in with his Taliban brothers?

My gf told me she was pregnant. So I punched her in the stomach.

She asked me "Why the hell did you do that?!?!?" "I wanted to let you know I'm pro abortion."

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special forces.

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw 'em.

How do you put a baby in a blender feet first so you can see its facial expressions?

How do you get the baby out? With a tortilla chip!

What do you call it when you light a person in a wheelchair on fire?

Cooking the vegetables.

When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid's Sketchers light up.

I was walking to the park and a mystery killer came and shot me.

GUY 1: How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

GUY 2: Depends on how hard you throw them.

I would kill for something to eat--the cannibal.

I was fucking this girl, and I started to make her cry.

She mumbled things and squirmed, but I couldn't hear her through the gag I put in her mouth.

I'll slit your throat and kick you in the gut till you die one time.

Hitler was talking about how to fight in WW2 when someone sneezed while Hitler was giving a speech, so Hitler yelled, "WHO SNEEZED ROW 1? DID ANYONE SNEEZE?" They said no, and Hitler shot everybody. Same for row 2 & 3, but in row 4 someone nervous said, "Me, I'm sorry." Then Hitler said, "Bless you."