Violence jokes

My therapist said, "Time heals all wounds," so I cut her.

When Chris Brown heard he wasn’t the only one to hit a woman.

Stop the cap.

How do you make a mime cry?

You kill his family right in front of his stupid face.

It’s like Sonic always says, “If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?”

Weed: *gets hit by his own power*

Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?

Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?

I killed a man in '94.

I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.

Q: How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?

A: You give them a Sandy Hook.

I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy!

Steps to win a Nerf war:

Step 1. Take out Nerf bullets.

Step 2. Load hollow points.

Step 3. Win!

The way to stop school shootings is to give children an RPG.

What's big and yellow...?

A bus full of kids.

When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

It depends how hard you throw them.

Q: Why is it fun to hit an orphan?

A: Who are they going to tell, their parents?

When you're angry, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

*World War 2 going on and then stops.*

Me: "I guess you would say it was a gory-ious battle."

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

It depends on how hard you throw them.

Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"

The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.

Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."

Why would you shoot up an innocent school... if your aimbot's dead and you can't commit headshots only?