Violence jokes

What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?

"I woke up Chris Breezy."

I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.

What do you call it when Panera Bread decapitates someone?

Panera Behead.

Quote from Seth no.1: "I would have fought back, but she was seven."

What is a terrorist's first move in chess?

C4.

What's the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels?

Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.

If you want to punch someone, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

I bribbled a kid and he was bribbled hem so hard that his balls came off.

What does the school shooter do after shooting all the kids?

Shoot kids in them ;)

Columbine High basketball team will never be good again after they lost their two best shooters.

How to cure boredom:

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

*School Shooter Walks In*

That one kid who plays "Pumped Up Kicks" at max volume.

Mom, where are we going?

To your grandma's funeral.

Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.

I just competed in a wrestling tournament. The first guy hit me harder than my dad’s belt.

I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and called him "hot wheels."

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

A special quote: “I was gonna slap that girl into tomorrow!”

Can I pin your corpse to a tree?

If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan.

What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

What did the terrorist do when New York didn’t want his food:

Here comes the airplane.