Violence jokes
What’s the difference between a gun and liberals?
Guns only have one trigger.
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
What do you call a 5th grader with no friends?
Sandy Hook survivor.
My brothers kept annoying me.
I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.
It was an empty threat—right after I was done.
I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday. Let's just say I quit my job as a butcher.
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?
The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.
If you want to punch someone, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
How do you fit a hundred babies into a small bucket?
With a blender.
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."
I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.
But I can break yours today, hopefully.
How do you make a cat say woof? You cover it in petrol and light a match.
What do you call a terrorist at a cinema?
A box office bomb.
Chuck Norris strangled someone with a cordless phone.
Name what guns are used for. {wrong answers only?}
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.
What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!
How do you kill a sheep?
You lamb shank it!
Not a joke: one of George Floyd's criminal friends shot his grand-niece as they wanted a piece of the 27 million dollars.
What do Americans call high school?
A shooting range.
My therapist told me time heals wounds, so I stabbed him, and now we wait.