Ups jokes
A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"
The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."
The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"
The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."
The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"
The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"
My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and went right.
My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.
What's so special about Palestinian sex dolls?
They blow themselves up.
Are you feeling down? Because I’d happily feel you up.
What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person?
I'd ask what's up, but it's definitely not you!
A guy wakes up one morning and is walking down the road, and he smells fish, and he says, "Good morning, ladies!"
I'm not saying I'm ugly...
But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.
Roses are red, violets are blue.
These jokes are old, come up with something new!
You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!
If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.
If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"
A poor person came up to me and said, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."
Jack and Jill went up the hill.
Jack fell down, his ass was bound, and Jill continued up the hill.
Jack came back and beat Jill's back, and he got the ultimate kill.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I’m sorry you look like my old beat up shoe.
What do you call a night person? A night owl 🦉 who is up all night, lol!
I threw a lamp at an emo kid and told him to lighten the f*ck up.
What takes up 10 parking spaces? Five female drivers.
People say my dad left me and was never successful, but if you search up who destroyed the Twin Towers, he will pop up.
Also, my mom's great grandpa killed Hitler.