Ups jokes
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.
My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and went right.
My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.
A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.
Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”
I'm not saying I'm ugly...
But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.
9/11 jokes are that deadly not even the towers could hold themselves up.
Are you feeling down? Because I’d happily feel you up.
You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!
Roses are red, violets are blue.
These jokes are old, come up with something new!
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I’m sorry you look like my old beat up shoe.
A guy wakes up one morning and is walking down the road, and he smells fish, and he says, "Good morning, ladies!"
What do you call a night person? A night owl 🦉 who is up all night, lol!
I threw a lamp at an emo kid and told him to lighten the f*ck up.
Jack and Jill went up the hill.
Jack fell down, his ass was bound, and Jill continued up the hill.
Jack came back and beat Jill's back, and he got the ultimate kill.
What takes up 10 parking spaces? Five female drivers.
What do you say to a crippled man getting bullied?
"Why not you stand up for yourself?"
You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"
What does a blind man and your dick have in common?
They both can’t get up without a dog.
When you're having a normal day at school, but then...
"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"