Motherhood jokes

What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?

They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"

What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?

They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."

Your mom! Oh wait, you don't have one.

Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.

Mary had a great big ram, his fleece was white as snow, when on hands and knees our Mary went, his wad was sure to blow.

Month by month her belly grew, increasing in its girth, and when five months had flown by, our Mary did give birth.

And Mary had a little lamb, a little lamb, a little lamb...

Ur mom. (Idk, I'm bored.)

Q. What's the biggest cause of infant drownings? A. Postpartum depression.

Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.

Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.

Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.

Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.

The president of the USA is so damn stupid. His mother must have taken Tylenol while she was pregnant with him, or something.

You know what’s traumatizing?

Your mom breastfeeding in front of you.

Help!

What does a mother fear most?

Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.

Ah, son of a bitch, I got the truth stuck on my shoe?!?!

The truth: Breast feeding is like having long sex with your baby. God dammit, I hate the truth!

I'm always willing to go down on a special needs girl.

Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.

What does a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus have in common? They're both thinking; "Oh sh*t, my mom's gonna kill me!"

What milk do orphan babies drink?

Not their mom's, though.

What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?

They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"

Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.