Ups jokes
My brothers kept annoying me.
I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.
It was an empty threat—right after I was done.
Kevin Woody (look him up)
What type of comedy can't Steven Hawking do?
Stand-up comedy.
Why don’t alligators grow up to 15 feet?
They only have 4.
How does Skeletor feel after He-Man beats him up?
Skelesore.
when ur bored in class so u post this and people start comenting the best shit
I don’t like stairs. They are always up to something.
Which legendary Dutch wanderer slept for twenty years, except when he got up to pee?
Rip Van Tinkle.
Q: Get up for a chair joke!
A: Oh, never mind, you can sit down.
What did the Twin Towers say when they saw the airplane?
Batter up!
Why do high tides come up so high?
Because they come up to say hi.
Wow, you did 10 chin-ups? Was it 1 for each chin?
I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"
My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.
I told her to keep her chins up.
My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.
One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.
How did a man know his wife died?
Dishis start piling up.
Why does Adolf hate golf?
He ended up in the bunker.
An orphan comes up to me and says, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."
Ever heard of account stealing?
Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?
Teacher says, "Okay class, today we're gonna talk about what everyone wants to be when they grow up." Little Johnny, how about you go first."
Little Jonny: "I want to be a speed bump when I grow up!"