Ups jokes
Why don’t alligators grow up to 15 feet?
They only have 4.
What do you call Mordecai dressing up as a basketball player?
Blue Jay Simpson!
We gave Erik ten Hag 7-Up after Liverpool thrashed Man Utd 7-0. He said, "F**k you all!"
One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.
One day, during lunch, a Spanish kid came up to my other friend and asked her questions in Spanish, and when she was about to say something, I popped out and said, “GO AWAY OR I WILL SUE YOU WITH BRIANNA’S SEVEN/7 LAWYERS!!!!(AKA, her seven/7 shoes.)”
Memes
My wife is so fat.
She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.
I have had it up to here with you.
(Then there Hight.)
You know why eggs can't tell jokes?
They crack each other up!
Did you leave your hairline at the airplane, because it's going up?
I dressed up as Darth Vader at an orphanage and said, "I am your father!"
Your children grew up faster than it took you to leave for the milk.
When you fall asleep on the couch and wake up in your bed.
But you know you live alone.
You're so ugly, your class searched up Godfrey Baguma and all called out your name!
I’m going to reenact the ending of Saw (2004), except I won’t stand up and shut the door.
Paddy and Murphy are walking down the street when all of a sudden, Paddy falls down a manhole. Murphy shouts down, "Paddy, is it dark down there?"
Paddy shouts up, "Dunno Murphy, I crnt see a fecking thing!"
Where do all orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.
You're walking one day and a little kid, about 5-6 years old, comes up to you asking, "What's a condom?" You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell them.
I bullied a kid in a wheelchair. I told him to stand up for himself.
How can a guy do stand up comedy in a wheelchair?
A wife and husband go to a barn. The husband picks up a goat and says, “Look at this pig I have to sleep with every night.”
The wife says, “Honey, that’s a goat.”
The husband replies with, “I was talking to the goat.”