Lap jokes

What is the difference between cunnilingus and a confused Parisian tourist?

One lapses into French, the other Frenches into laps.

Why do orphans cry alone?

They do not have a mom's lap to sit on and a shoulder to cry on.

There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.

Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."

What did Michael Jackson say to the kid sitting on his lap?

"Just beat it."

What are the differences between Santa and Joe Biden?

The kids actually want to sit on Santa’s lap.

What did Michael Jackson say to the kid on his lap?

"You have a great singer inside you."

What's the best part about getting a lap dance from an Asian woman?

Her eyes are so narrow that she can't see if you don't pay her.

To start, I'm a big fella in size.

I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.

What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common? They both let little kids sit on their lap.

The FitnessGramTM Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20-meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.

Level 1 Feel it One Two Three Four Five Six Seven; end of level one.

What's the Fastest 20000 Meter Dash a Human Can Run?

Bro, you ever think while driving the moped why they call it a footrest when the foot never lets it rest? The foot is working harder than the engine. You push, push, but still go the same speed like a turtle with a bad mood during a rabbit race...

riding (DYM 145).

Speed.

You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!