Toy jokes
So I gave a disabled kid hot wheels. I mean cars, no I gave him literal hot wheels!
Why did the little girl cry twice?
Because you wiped your shitty bloody duck on her favorite teddy bear.
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it actually comes back.
Why doesn’t the orphan have any toys? Because his Lego figures ran away too.
I don’t like to play games, actually. There is one game: It’s Barbie. Of course, I’ll be Ken, and you’ll be the box cum in.
Why are sex toys something to stuff in your asshole and not a big racecar?
Why do toy bears have small eyes? Because they were made in China.
What do you call an autistic kid going down the stairs in a wheelchair?
Hot Wheels!
What do you call a kid on a wheelchair?
Hot Wheels.
What is the orphan's favorite toy from his parents?
They don’t have parents to pay for a toy.
Little Johnny likes to play with toy guns.
Little Johnny paints them black.
Little Johnny went to a gun store.
Little Johnny made a big mess.
The cemetery people were getting paid.
Did you hear they’re making an Elmo toy to appeal to the Tourette’s crowd?
I believe it’s called the “Tic Me Elmo.”
Why doesn't a teddy bear eat? Because it is already stuffed.
Dog toys are getting out of control.
My mum's dog has a round bison bone.
Looks like he was chewing on Tracy Latimer's hip or something.
You are so fat and ugly, Chucky didn't even want to play with you.
What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?
My dad came back!
What do you call dolls in a line?
Barbie queuing.
Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?
His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.
*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*
Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.
LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!
Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.
Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?
I accidentally walked on the Lego Batman mask.
I want my fucking feet back!
Tyler only has a kid because they don't make condoms the size of Lego Men.