Crowd Jokes

The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”

Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”

So the Pope slapped him.

I can hear the whole world booing me.

At my funeral, take the bouquet off the coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who's next.

Why was the stadium so hot?

Because all the fans left!

What do you call a crowd of horny white women?

A field of cotton waiting to be picked.

What is long and black? The line at Popeyes.

The cemetery is so crowded, people are just dying to get in.

When a cookie 🍪 wins a race, what will the crowd say?

“Chip Chip Hooray!”

Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.

So I was eating this girl out the other day, and I GOT AIDS. How does a 9-year-old give me AIDS? I guess my sister was hanging around the wrong crowd.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. She came crawling back!

What do you call a protest that gets crowded?

Human trafficking.

Yo mama so fat that when she went into a crowd wearing a blue shirt, everyone yelled, "Tsunami!"

Donald Trump and the Pope were standing on a platform in front of a crowd of people. The Pope said to Donald Trump, “I can make everyone in this audience happy with one small swipe of my hand.”

Donald Trump replies, “That’s not possible. You’ll have to show me.” Then the Pope slaps him.

What did the Ford Mustang say to the crowd of innocent people?

I'D HIT THAT!

Why is the most popular food at a baseball stadium pancakes? Because everybody likes a good batter!

Two's company, cheese a crowd!

A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.

The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."

Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.

One day, I was walking through a park when I realized it was crowded.

To this day, I still don't know who let the children out of my basement.