Play jokes
Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.
Why can't skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.
Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".
Why was Cinderella banned from playing sports? Because she always ran away from the ball.
One of the reasons the skeleton was not allowed to play church music is because he had no organs.
My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.
I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.
What happens when Stephen Hawking dies?
The Windows shutdown sound plays.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.
I was watching my son play at the park, and a lady asked me, "Which one is yours?" And for fun, I said, "I don't know, I'm still choosing."
My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I'll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.
Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.
Do you want to play Titanic?
When I say iceberg, you go down on me.
When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?
Roses are red, violets are blue, When I see you, I play with my poo.
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”
He responded with, “The cat is dead.”
She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”
“She’s playing on the roof.”
Why can't a cheetah play hide and seek?
Because he's always spotted.
When Jim was playing on his phone, my grandfather told him, "You use way too much technology!" Jim then said, "No, YOU use too much technology!" and then Jim disconnected his grandfather’s life support.
Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite."
Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly."
Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game."
Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..."
Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*
Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.
Why can't Indians play football? Because every time they take a corner, they make a shop.