Toy jokes
What's Michael Jackson's favorite toy?
Wet 6-year-old balls.
My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.
Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?
His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.
*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*
Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.
LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!
Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.
Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
Why do orphans like boomerangs?
Because they actually come back.
What does your mom and a slinky have in common?
They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.
What’s the difference between a Rubik's cube and a penis? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
What's the Pixar movie close to being a pornstar? Toy Story... *I got a friend in me*
I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.
Dad: "I'm giving all your toys to the orphanage."
Kid: "Why are you doing that?"
Dad: "So you won't get bored there."
What's the difference between an orphan and a toy?
One is played with.
What is an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it actually comes back.
A man walked into a fleshlight and died.
What does a Rubik's cube and a man's penis have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
One day, little Johnny was playing with his toys and looked out the window. He saw the neighbor's kid laying face-first in the grass, not breathing.
Little Johnny continued to shoot his nerf gun at the neighbor's big booty cheeks. No movement at all. After little Johnny went to get a snack, he looked out the window again and the kid was gone.
Little Johnny went to the neighbors and said, "I'm sorry to hear that your child has gone missing."
Why don't Chinese kids celebrate Christmas?
Because they make the toys.
Dolly (DYM 79).
What's the difference between Madeline Mikan and a boomerang?
Boomerangs come back.
Why doesn't a teddy bear eat? Because it is already stuffed.
Q. What's the Premier of Alberta's favorite sex toy? A. I don't know, but I wish it were me.