Toy jokes
So a woman walks into a magician's toy store and browses the collection. Among which was a black, phallic-looking object. She brings it to the counter and asks, "what's this?"
The cashier explains that it's a magical dildo that will listen to whatever you say, "fuck me in the ass," it'll float in the air and fuck you in the ass, "fuck me in the pussy," it'll float in the air and fuck you in the pussy, "faster," it'll go faster, "harder," it'll go harder. She bought this magical artifact and went home for a night of fun and pleasure.
After receiving several orgasms from the magical dildo, she'd had enough, and she told it to stop, but it didn't. The dildo continued to penetrate her, it would go harder and faster, but it refused to stop or slow down. In a panic, she ran over to her car and drove to the hospital to get it surgically removed. Her panic made her disregard the traffic rules, and she quickly found herself pulled over by a cop. As she pulled down her window, the cop leaned towards the door and asked "Do you have any idea how fast you were going!?", the woman tried to explain the situation, she told the officer about the magical dildo stuck in her pussy, but the officer didn't believe her, "magical dildo, my ass" he said, and the lady drove home.
An Asian walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you, too, sing 'One Long Toy Cow'?"
The bartender says to the Asian, "Sorry, I don't speak Chinese."
What do you call a Barbie doll that’s wearing scrubs?
A plastic surgeon. 😷
So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.
Did you hear they’re making an Elmo toy to appeal to the Tourette’s crowd?
I believe it’s called the “Tic Me Elmo.”
I don’t like to play games, actually. There is one game: It’s Barbie. Of course, I’ll be Ken, and you’ll be the box cum in.
What's a priest's favorite toy?
A mute little boy.
When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.
I bought a wooden whistle, but it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle, but it steel wooden whistle. So THEN I bought a LED whistle but it steel wooden LED me whistle.
Why don’t Chinese kids get to celebrate Christmas?
'Cause they're the ones making the toys.
What do you call a teddy bear that fooled you?
Stuffed.
My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.
She does not exist.
Dog toys are getting out of control.
My mum's dog has a round bison bone.
Looks like he was chewing on Tracy Latimer's hip or something.
What did the orphan's friend give him for his birthday?
Lego, so he can build a home.
Prince/Lord Tallie: Leave Gwen alone for once! By the way, you are an idiot!
Gwen: The Prince! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!? I THOUGHT YOU WERE TOTALLY DEAD, AND SO I STARTED DATING TANNER! But don't worry, I'll break up with him immediately!
Prince/Lord Tallie: Oh, don't worry, I love it! By the way, can't we do our late-night talk? My Wi-Fi comes out just before we can! I love you even more! 😘
Gwen: Oh, thanks! I thought you would hate me! And yes, we don't have to chat at night, but the days are going to be choppy. I love you!
Tanner: Fuck off.
Kenya Bailey: Excuse me?
Gwen: Tanner, it was all my fault, I shouldn't have tried to date you so fast, and did you see the talk about the boring jokes?
Zre: Who the hell is Tanner?
Ha: Wait a second, he's your boyfriend!
Kenya Bailey: Okay guys, let's not get into your business, okay! Let's see funny jokes.
Ha: Yes, you're right.
Zre: Ok.
Zre: Still, who the hell is Tanner! But hey, this is your toddler's toy! Even though I thought I was a prince.
Gwen: I thought Prince was dead, so I started dating Tanner, then I realized Prince was alive.
Sex dolls are alive in the Toy Story universe.
You're so fat,
when you stepped on the scale,
Buzz Lightyear came out and said,
"To infinity and beyond!"
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
Because he was trying to catch a boomerang.
Why doesn’t the orphan have any toys? Because his Lego figures ran away too.
If Huggy and Kissy ever had a kid, they would have a good lunch. *evil laugh* 😈