Toy jokes
When Michael Jackson died, people melted him down into Lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.
My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.
Why do toy bears have small eyes? Because they were made in China.
Shit, if somebody invades America, the Crips and the Bloods are gonna call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call Geneva achievement. White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers, and bears while claymore-strapped rhumbas swept the streets. There's a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with the boom booms and make you see x-rays before you go go.
We have freaking cannibals still. Hell, we have more guns than people. Dodging bullets has become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty. Then we send them into the warzone known as the American public education system with no weapons. No means to protect themselves other than with their fists. Here Timmy, fight off the bullets with your bare fist and hope you can zig-zag. Hell, the quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just cause you teased them. The fuck you think's gonna happen when Timmy can't get his damn chicken nuggets and you took his internet out?
Hell, the gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They'd be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don't even get me started on the unhinged millennials the moment they can't get their mood stabilizers. War crimes would become an art form and we'd run around like we playing Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Americans would turn war crimes into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so they can show the rest of the world the example of why not to fuck with us. Shit, Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We take that shit so seriously we'd have Comedy Central sending Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement. Racism in America would be single-handedly by ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret duck hunt level with foreign paratroopers. Shit somebody please threaten us with a good time. Invade the United States. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.
What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?
"Time to hit the sack!"
for real
You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.
Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"
Elmo, stop penetrating the orphan!
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair that you push in a fire? Hot Wheels.
What's the difference between an orphan's parents and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.
You should always wash your sex toys. That's why priests baptize babies.
We have Build-A-Bear; meanwhile, orphans have Build-A-Mom, or if they’d rather, Build-A-Dad.
I got a new Lego airplane set from my friend... oddly, there were also two towers included in the box as well.
Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in a different box.
What does a Rubik's cube and a penis have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
I like playing with Yoyos, because at least they always come back.
What does a Rubik's cube and a man's penis have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite toy?
Wet 6-year-old balls.
Wow, he stole my antidepressant toy. The next day, he was on the ground.
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.