Toy jokes
What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire? Hot Wheels.
Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.
Q. What's the Premier of Alberta's favorite sex toy? A. I don't know, but I wish it were me.
What do women and a Happy Meal have in common?
They both come with a toy.
How are boobs and toys similar?
Both were originally made for kids, but dads usually end up playing with them.
How do you piss off a midget?
Give them a yo-yo and tell them to play with it.
I don’t like to play games, actually. There is one game: It’s Barbie. Of course, I’ll be Ken, and you’ll be the box cum in.
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
Dog toys are getting out of control.
My mum's dog has a round bison bone.
Looks like he was chewing on Tracy Latimer's hip or something.
Why were glow-in-the-dark condoms made?
To play Star Wars.
I gave a blind kid a hand grenade and told him it's a beyblade.
What is a dog's favorite snack?
RUFFles.
Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?
His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.
*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*
Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.
LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!
Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.
Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?
Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box.
Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?
I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.
What's the rarest gun you can find in Africa? A water gun.
You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
What’s the rarest gun to find in Africa?
A water gun...
Where do babies get baptized?
So the priest can wash their sex toys.
Yo momma is so ugly, she made my Happy Meal cry.