Toy jokes

DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.

SON: Why?

DAD: You're going to need them.

You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.

That's why priests invented baptism.

What did the orphan get for Christmas?

Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.

What's an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang, because it came back unlike their parents.

Why do kids like Michael Jackson so much?

Because he's made out of plastic, and that's what toys are made out of! 😂

Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Ken came in another box.

Balls are annoying. They just bounce and never keep still.

I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.

Don't worry if you think your life sucks. Just remember that people are arguing over the gender of a potato head.

What do you call a Barbie doll that’s wearing scrubs?

A plastic surgeon. 😷

It's important to wash your sex toys.

That's why priests invented baptism.

LEGO Ninjago - I like it, okay?

Which of the ninja would be best for an undercover mission as the person in disguise?

Kai. He just has to leave his hair down and no one would know it was him. He uses hair gel, as Cole has said a couple times I think, because his hair looks like fire 🔥!

How do you piss off a midget?

Give them a yo-yo and tell them to play with it.

I found two of the same Lego Duplo sets, so I called ‘em “Duplocates.”

Shit, if somebody invades America, the Crips and the Bloods are gonna call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call Geneva achievement. White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers, and bears while claymore-strapped rhumbas swept the streets. There's a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with the boom booms and make you see x-rays before you go go.

We have freaking cannibals still. Hell, we have more guns than people. Dodging bullets has become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty. Then we send them into the warzone known as the American public education system with no weapons. No means to protect themselves other than with their fists. Here Timmy, fight off the bullets with your bare fist and hope you can zig-zag. Hell, the quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just cause you teased them. The fuck you think's gonna happen when Timmy can't get his damn chicken nuggets and you took his internet out?

Hell, the gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They'd be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don't even get me started on the unhinged millennials the moment they can't get their mood stabilizers. War crimes would become an art form and we'd run around like we playing Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Americans would turn war crimes into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so they can show the rest of the world the example of why not to fuck with us. Shit, Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We take that shit so seriously we'd have Comedy Central sending Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement. Racism in America would be single-handedly by ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret duck hunt level with foreign paratroopers. Shit somebody please threaten us with a good time. Invade the United States. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.

What do you call dolls in a line?

Barbie queuing.

Prince/Lord Tallie: Leave Gwen alone for once! By the way, you are an idiot!

Gwen: The Prince! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!? I THOUGHT YOU WERE TOTALLY DEAD, AND SO I STARTED DATING TANNER! But don't worry, I'll break up with him immediately!

Prince/Lord Tallie: Oh, don't worry, I love it! By the way, can't we do our late-night talk? My Wi-Fi comes out just before we can! I love you even more! 😘

Gwen: Oh, thanks! I thought you would hate me! And yes, we don't have to chat at night, but the days are going to be choppy. I love you!

Tanner: Fuck off.

Kenya Bailey: Excuse me?

Gwen: Tanner, it was all my fault, I shouldn't have tried to date you so fast, and did you see the talk about the boring jokes?

Zre: Who the hell is Tanner?

Ha: Wait a second, he's your boyfriend!

Kenya Bailey: Okay guys, let's not get into your business, okay! Let's see funny jokes.

Ha: Yes, you're right.

Zre: Ok.

Zre: Still, who the hell is Tanner! But hey, this is your toddler's toy! Even though I thought I was a prince.

Gwen: I thought Prince was dead, so I started dating Tanner, then I realized Prince was alive.

You're so fake, Barbie was jealous of you!

What's the difference between you and a Barbie? There is no difference. Both of your faces are fake.

What do a Rubik's cube and a dick have in common? The more you play with them, the harder they get.