Worst Jokes Ever

I love you like my cuts.

Deeply.

What’s the difference between a baby and an onion?

I cry peeling onions!

What makes sad people jump? Bridges.

Your mama so ugly that even Rick Astley had to give her up.

Slavery is like Pokémon, you gotta catch them all.

I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.

A wild Iceberg appears! Titanic uses ram! It is not very effective. (Titanic sinks.)

How can you tell if your wife is dead? -- The sex is the same, but the dishes start piling up.

How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."

What's the difference between an asshole and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

What joke do you tell an orphan?

Knock knock...

Who's there?

Not your parents.

I saw a little kid on their bike before. So I ran home to see if it was mine. Mine was still chained up, so we’re good.

Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.

I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.

What do you call a sophisticated American?

A Canadian.

My dog is pregnant. I'm gonna be a... I don't know?

Ohhh, an owner.

My grandad was shocked to learn that lightning can strike in the same place twice.

I'm jealous of my LED lights, 'cause they're hanging from the ceiling and I'm not.

What's the difference between meat and fish?

If you beat your fish, it'll die.

I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage.

I lost my case.