Worst Jokes Ever
Why are priests called father? Because it's too sus to call them daddy!
"You the bomb!" No, "you the bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in Afghanistan.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she went trick or treating on Halloween 2016, the clowns thought she was their supreme leader.
What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?
Lim Ping.
What is Helen Keller's favorite color? Black.
A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friend's house after hooking up.
"Was it hung?" her friend asks.
"No, he was shot."
A programmer and his wife.
She says, "We're out of bread. Please go to the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"
He replies, "They had eggs."
what do you call a white person having a seizure?
a vanilla shake.
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd-shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
Why did the tamale go to the hospital?
Tamalito.
What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
Velcro.
I hate child murderers, they're always so high-pitched.
The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."
So I went to the doctor's and the doctor said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign."
So I said, "Aquarius."
And the doctor said, "Nah mate, you've got cancer."
What is Hitler's favorite book? "Hitler and the chamber of secrets."
What do you call an autistic kid who just saw Transformers? Autistimus Prime.
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
Your forehead [is] so big that if I drew an H on it, Kobe could have landed there.
Which Roman emperor was a mouse? Julius Cheeser!
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.