Worst Jokes Ever

Once a woman suspected that her husband was fucking their daughter at night. So she made a plan. That night, she gave her daughter sleeping pills and told her husband that you go to sleep, I have a headache and I will sleep on the sofa in the drawing room today. After everyone slept, she picked up her sleeping daughter and laid her on the sofa and went to her bed and lay down. After an hour, the door of the room opened and one man entered the room and jumped on the bed and fucked her intensely for 2 hours. Then she turned on the light with the bed switch and said, "You definitely didn't expect me." "I definitely didn't expect you, MOM! But you are more delicious than sister"! Her son replied in surprise!

What makes sad people jump? A bridge.

I offered to share a meal with a homeless person once, but he said, "Piss off and buy your own!"

Where did the sheep get a haircut?

At the baa-baa shop.

Little Johnny and his teacher were telling each other jokes and riddles. His teacher asked, "Three birds were sitting on a wire, a hunter shot one. How many are left?" Little Johnny replied, "None, because the sound would scare the other two away." His teacher said, "No, but I like the way you think!"

Little Johnny replied, "Alright, now I have one for you. What goes in dry and hard and comes out soft and hard?" His teacher was shocked and said, "Little Johnny!" He replied, "It's gum! But I like the way you think!"

Next time at Walmart, I'm going to scan my wrist. They are basically barcodes.

In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?

They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.

The doctor told me I had aids. I said, "It's your fault, sister."

Why can't Stephen Hawking be a Rocket League car? Because he can't jump for an aerial.

A man is with his friend in a bar.

The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"

Nervous, the man looks away.

The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."

The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."

"Wait, wha..."

"What?"

While undressing a woman, she told me she has AIDS. I told her she can't catch it twice, but she still kept screaming.

Why can't college students take exams at the zoo?

Too many cheetahs!

I was gonna tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.

What do you call an autistic kid with a glock?

Special forces.

Btw, I'm 13.

I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.

"Are you getting the knife?"

Bro's hair looks like Buzz Lightyear, going to infinity and beyond!

Roses are red, that much is true. But violets are purple, not fucking blue.

What starts with M and ends with carriage?

This joke never gets old, but then again neither does the baby.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They can't find home.

A war isn’t about who is right, it’s about who is left!