Worst Jokes Ever
One night, a girl said to her family, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa." The next morning, her grandpa died. That night, she said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodbye Grandma." The next morning, the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night, the girl said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy." The next morning, the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine, but when he went into the kitchen, he saw his wife crying. When he asked her what's wrong, she said, "The mailman died."
Whats the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead hookers, i don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
I like my women like I like my wine, twelve years old, in the basement, and locked up.
An Irishman, Englishman, and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness.
Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.
The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away, and demands another pint.
The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.
The Irishman reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers, and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
How do you know that the U.S. sucks at chess?
They lost two towers.
You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed, but you only have 2 bullets left. What do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
What do Catholic priests and JCPenny's have in common?
Little boys' pants half off.
Chuck Norris once heard nothing can kill him. So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?
My friend: Chunky dunks.
Tell a dark joke to an orphan, then hit them. They'll get the punchline right away.
What is the difference between climate change and the greenhouse effect, once a philosopher, twice a sodomite?
I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some marijuana. Jack got high and slapped her thigh and said "you know you wanna". Jill said yes, pulled down her dress, and then they had some fun. Silly Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.
What did Hellen Keller do when she fell in a hole?
She screamed until her hands got tired.
How do you win an argument against a emo? kick the chair.
"What happened to your arm?" "Oh, uh... I became a gacha emo."
Friend 1: What's the most disappointing thing that ever happened to you? For me, repeating a year.
Friend 2: Failing an important test. And you?
Then there is me: My life.
Anyone else on here looking at depressing jokes to make themselves feel better? Not that it's working, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone. Well, enough with the sob story, I gotta go get my razors. See ya in the long run.
What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don't care if she has one.