Worst Jokes Ever
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?
I don't know, I'm just the drone pilot.
What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers?
A virgin.
I was in the corner shop and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!
A lion, Johnny Depp, and a hockey player from Nashville all have one thing in common.
They're all Predators!
what's the difference between my hand and my blade? my hand isn't sharp.
What do you call a Communist sniper? -- A Marxman.
This year my friends wanted to dress up as crayons for Halloween. They asked me if I wanted to be a tan crayon. I didn’t want to, but I said yes to be nice. I wish I had said no, because now I look like a dick to everyone else.
The number 13? Not on my watch!
Yo mama is so skinny, she can dodge raindrops.
I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.
What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?
A blender.
A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.
Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.
what is the fastest country? iran.
What do you call an orphan taking a picture with it's family?
A self-fie.
Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
What's a similarity between a broken lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
They're both accidents.
Yo mama's so stupid she got locked in Mattress World and slept on the floor.
Q: Do you know why black people have nightmares?
A: Because we shot the last one who had a dream.
My pencil sharpener when I bleed:
And I don't really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.