Worst Jokes Ever
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.
People were talking and asking what's the worst day of the year for them.
Person 1: "The first day of school because I don't like going to school."
Person 2: "Valentine's day because it's too lovey."
Me: "Oh nice, mine is my birthday because it's when I was born."
What does a relationship and suicide have in common?
I always fail on committing.
What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.
I wish my hair was depressed.
Cause then it would cut itself.
Dad: "I'm giving all your toys to the orphanage."
Kid: "Why are you doing that?"
Dad: "So you won't get bored there."
A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long." Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess.
His family is nuts.
His neighbor is an asshole.
His best friend is a pussy.
And his owner beats him.
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.
Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?
Students: Eggs.
Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?
Kids: Bacon.
Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?
Kids: Homework.
I named my dog 5-Miles, so now I tell people, "I walk 5-Miles every day."
Father: "Son, you were adopted."
Son: "What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
Father: "We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes."
How did the dude with epilepsy win the break dancing competition?
He saw flashing lights.
Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.
In Soviet Russia, gay sex gets you arrested.
In America, getting arrested gets you gay sex.
What's a suicidal person's favorite game?
Hangman.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly girl? The Twin Towers at least got fucked.
April Fool's joke: Go to an orphanage and tell them, "Their parents came back."
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it... He's gay, definitely gay.