Worst Jokes Ever
Why don’t mountains catch colds?
They wear snow caps.
How does Hitler tie his shoes?
In tiny Knotsies.
What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. "What's in the box?" the priest asks. "Christian kittens," the little girl answers.
Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way.
A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. "Ask her what she has in the box," he says, "It's the cutest thing!"
The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. "Atheist kittens," she says.
The priest rushes forward and says, "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were 'Christian kittens!!!'"
"They were," she says. "Now their eyes are open."
How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten tickles.
So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?
And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.
This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"
"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"
Dr. Seuss died September 24, but that was a lie. Dr. Seuss, when he was 97, he stole a plane and the last rhyme he did was “up in the sky so very far he comes, Dr. Seuss allahuakbar.”
I recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy, and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.
We found out that she died............... from an autopsy.
You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...
Did you know that you can die from laughing? Well, that’s why I laugh so much.
Hey JFK, what would you do if you were in a fight?
JFK: Well, I'd give them a piece of my mind.
What's one of the worst motivational things to say to a suicidal person?
“Hang in there!”
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed Jill’s thigh and said, “You know you wanna.” Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
Person 1: Stop making suicidal jokes!
Person 2: Okay, okay, I’ll cut it out.
Person 1: Really?
Person 2: They're not even that deep.
I didn't come into the prostitution business...
It came into me.
I got kicked out of the hospital for saying, "Stay Positive," to the corona patients.
I ran over three disabled kids.
"Cripple kill."
I make science puns, but only periodically.
My ceiling isn't the best... But it's up there!
Your hairline is so far back, Paw Patrol couldn't finish their mission.