"Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" "It's Dave!"
"Dave who?"
Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
Worst Jokes Ever
Why does the nucleus feel trapped?
Because it’s inside a cell!
How do you rape a feminist? Tell her you are a woman and she will let you do whatever. You won't even need to force it.
Why do Indians hate snow?
Because it's white and all over their land.
Never attempt to foreshadow your own death, you may end up regretting it. You can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if I’m wrong.
What does a necrophiliac get at a wedding?
Mourning wood.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? - In case he got a hole in one.
So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."
What did the cake say to the fork?
"Do you want a piece of me!!!"
So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.
Why did Adolf Hitler like nuts? He only had one.
At the restaurant, the waitress starts flirting with me. "She must have COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. "'Cause she clearly has no taste." She responded.
Slapped cheese on my white friend, told him I like cheese on my crackers.
I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.
How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.
How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.
My grandpa killed 100 German soldiers; he was the worst German pilot ever.
I had a gold fish who could breakdance on the carpet.
For 20 seconds.
And only once... :(
What do you call a cow 🐮 in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.
My bitch as flat as her grannie's heartbeat.
